Beautiful Boy, Perfect Love

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 4, 2013

Beautiful Boy, Perfect Love

I simply adore this little boy. Recker is such a unique, special boy. Sometimes I wonder what is going through his beautiful little head. I watched him play with some of the children in his neighborhood yesterday from a distance. He was off alone in the corner by himself, then at one point, he heard one of the little girls talking to another little boy, Recker walked up and took the girl by the hand as if trying to get her to follow him, and she (like most children would do at her age) walked away from him. For just a slight moment, I could see this sadness on his face. He is starting to understand his limitations and what he cannot do. Soon, he will realize what he CAN do. We try to emphasize the CAN'S because there is a lot more he CAN do than he or we even realize.

  I want so desperately for the family to hear him just say something. Mom or dad would be preferable. He has now begun to wave goodbye to us. Once in a while, we can even get a little sound that we think is "bye-bye." When Blake counts ... one...two...three...jump ...we can usually hear him say when Blake gets to the two, Recker will say "twooey" it's so cute, we all jump for joy and have him do it over and over until he is fed up with it all, shakes his no. Off he goes to a new adventure much cooler than us.

He loves his daddy !!

Precious baby boy born 12-14-2009

Really? another picture? I'm barely awake.

I'm never getting out of the tub

bright eyes

just cuteness

fresh out of the tub

On 1st day of pre-school

helping bonbon get through a tough day

team bonbon--my biggest supporter

loves the OCEAN, OH AND OTTER POPS

YALE

uncle blake gets home from his mission

being an outside boy

Christmas 2012

  This little boy's heart is bursting with LOVE to be shared--Although he keeps it bundled up and sealed for special people in his life--I know he loves and feels Love. Recker has helped me understand that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of His children. We may not always understand THE PLAN, but if we let the process happen and listen for the spirit to teach us, we can hear the Love, especially the beautiful Love this boy has to offer.

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Ezra Ray Was Blessed Today

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 14, 2013

Ezra Ray Was Blessed Today

Kaitlyn asked, "Mom is it weird to see your grandchildren, knowing that your own children created them?"  Oh, yes, it is weird. Well, odd is not the appropriate word. It is a beautiful blessing to the circle of life our Heavenly Father has taught us as a perfect circle of love. I believe our family will be together forever, so it brings great peace to my heart knowing if I live righteously and obey the Lord's commandments, I will live with these wonderful people forever. I am thankful for the families with whom my children have joined. They have taught their children the importance of believing in Jesus Christ and the power of the Atonement.

Today Ezra was blessed and given a name on which Ezra Ray Roussel will be known in the records of the church he will be known. I have listened to many blessings given to babies, but today as Jeremy blessed this sweet baby, no words connected with me more than his. He blessed Ezra to be a strength to his older brother Recker, blessed him to watch over Recker and teach him. It will be a blessing to have a brother for Recker. Already we see this connection between the two of them. Recker is exceptionally soft and gentle with Ezra; I think Recker has patiently been waiting for Ezra to join us; Recker has been trying desperately to communicate with his sounds, making them into words, concentrating on each sound.

I so look forward to more grandbabies joining our family. I sincerely hope my children will take traditions and values from both their families to incorporate the best possible family values for themselves--I already know they will be far better parents than Eric and I have been and will instill in their children a more robust, healthier bond--this is the traditions of the fathers, for each generation to be better than the last--the best has been saved for the end. I move into a new journey and phase of life, a bit hesitant to live up to the task as a grandmother worthy of these beautiful spirits HE entrusted us with, and a bit relieved knowing my children will be so much better than I ever was.

Speaking Without Words

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 6, 2013

Speaking without Words

My sweet grandson Recker has moderate to severe autism. He is non-verbal. This baby boy was born into a family who loves him unconditionally; he has a special place in my heart. If not for him, I remember a day while I was going through my chemo treatments that he was an infant and would lay with me on my bed. Keeping me from literally wanting to end my life, so profoundly in depression and pain, all I had to do was kneel and pray, get back in bed and look at his little face. Then I knew I could get through one more day. Now I understand why the Lord answered my prayers so many times. I have some refining to do in my life to live eternally with this sweet little guy.

He was diagnosed at a really early age of 16 months. We still have to hear him say, "mom or dad" I can't imagine how hard this must be for Jeremy and Kayla, but there are times when he will look at me in the eyes, those piercing blue eyes starring intensely I know he is trying to tell me something. As badly as I want to hear him speak, I also believe he knows so much. The veil is so thin for him still. Before Ezra was born, he would stop in his tracks, look up on a shelf in my kitchen, and smile or jabber in Recker language as if he were talking to someone. Every time he did this, my heart would melt.

Recently, a person said to me, "You must be so disappointed"  I have thought of this statement quite a bit because, for one, not once have I been disappointed, that word has never crossed my mind, not even for a nanosecond, and for two I feel so blessed to know that my Heavenly Father has entrusted my daughter and her husband with such a beautiful soul, he is perfect in every way, we continually learn from him. I realize some people do not understand the behavior of an autistic child, and patience comes with raising a child with special needs. Without this opportunity, I would have probably never taken the time to learn more about just how special he is.

I don't have harsh feelings for those who do not understand, who judge and wonder why we cannot control his behavior or his ticks and noises; I wish I had an answer for those people; I don't understand either--but I am trying to understand, I am learning that speaking without words is something we all should learn to do--a smile can mean everything to a person, a hug can save a life, a note of encouragement can help self-confidence--yes I believe speaking without words is having FAITH in a higher being--Faith that HE has a plan, a plan for each of us, especially for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I love you, Recker Jay--you will forever be in my heart.

XOXO Bon Bon

Life Moves So Fast

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2013

Life Moves So Fast

Poor baby Ez

Just when life is moving as it should, reality hits me hard and brings me back to where I need to be, a good place in my heart. Our beautiful baby Ezra joined our family and was struck with severe RSV. He was put in the hospital, and Kayla had to stay with him 24/7. Jeremy was there as much as he could be but also had to work. I had the privilege of taking care of Recker. Our 3-year-old autistic grandson is non-verbal, but boy, can he make some noise. He, too, has not been feeling well. I took him to the doctor, and he had an ear infection, sinus infection, and croup.
My love for Kayla, the mother, has become more endearing as I have now seen 24/7 for a week what she deals with daily. Although Recker spends a lot of time at our house, it is an entirely different story when you watch him nonstop for that long.
While at the doctor's office, he went through every drawer and cabinet he could get his hands on, climbed under the desk, picked up the phone, played with the computer system, and twirled on the doctor's chair. It was all fun until .... the pediatrician came in to visit our little guy. He had a complete meltdown when the doctor looked in his ears, then came the news he needed a steroid shot in the arm. I thought to myself, "oh boy, he is not going to like this" HE DIDN'T. He screamed and threw his body around like a rag doll. Tears filled my eyes as he looked at me as if to say, "why, why are you allowing her to do this to me?"  I tried so hard to get him to settle down, I sang him a song, tried to rock him, and soothe him with calming words, but it just worsened. I thought I should calm him before I walked back through the waiting area. That idea was not going to happen, so I quickly made a dash for the door and out to the car, all the while he was out of control. I sat him down to open my car door, and he started to projectile vomit every were including on me. It looked like an alien shooting out of his mouth. Oh my gosh, I felt so bad for him. All I could do was hold him and love him. Kayla has told me about these meltdowns, but I have never seen him work himself up so severely that he vomits. By the time I got his medicine at WALGREENS and made it home, he had calmed down and fallen asleep.
Kayla and Jeremy were missing him so badly. I felt terrible for them too. Luckily, they could see him at least once a day. I took Recker to our condo in Mexico for a few days, thinking maybe if he were not here in Arizona, it wouldn't be such a temptation for them to come to visit him. The reason I use the word temptation is because Recker has been sick, and I'm sure he gave whatever he had to Ezra. If Kayla and Jeremy were to transfer it back to Ezra, he would never get better.
I had a fun time with Recker in Mexico. This boy loves the outdoors, the ocean, the sand, the grassy areas, and especially the pool. From 9 am to 6 pm he was outside running and playing. One day he made a mad dash for the ocean; I was running after him, I watched him play in the water for over an hour, then decided it was time to go to the pool. Of course, Recker thought I was picking him up to take him inside, so he started to scream and try to scratch his way out of my arms. He is extremely strong; I could barely hold him up. Everyone was staring, my swimsuit top was down to my stomach, and my breasts were fully exposed. I had to either continue to the pool area or drop Recker. I continued, all the while saying to myself, "no big deal, my breasts have been exposed to complete strangers before. I can handle this" then the Mexican vendor yelled, "hey lady, want to buy some sunglasses?" I turned and looked at him and, with a scowl then replied, "Are you serious?"
I finally made it to the pool area, where I am pretty sure I gave an 80-year-old man a slight heart attack. I was so mortified I wanted to look at him and say, "What, you've never seen a 50-year-olds boobs exposed while carrying a 3-year-old screaming and scratching his way to freedom?"  Eric happened to be walking towards the pool, and with his hands in the air, as if to say, "what the heck are you doing?" he ran over to help me--save the day, however, just a little too late. I calmly sat down on the chair pulled up my swimsuit and laughed. What else could I do?
Although my swimsuit never came down again, I will say it took two of us to get Recker up to the condo after a long day of playing. He never, ever wanted to go inside.
We face-timed Kayla and Jeremy each night before Recker went to bed, and we could get an update on how Ezra was doing. It was hard; Ezra would be doing better than bad, and we never knew what each day would bring. He is home now and seems to be doing well. Recker has been on his antibiotic for over a week and is doing better also. Today, while they were visiting us, Recker had a complete meltdown when he had to come inside; Kayla was chasing him around the house while he was screaming and not letting her get to him; I heard her laughing, and it made me smile--at least she can laugh.
Any parent of an autistic child should be praised; autism is hard, and none of us quite understand what it is and why some children have it, but I do know our Heavenly Father knows, and he has a special place in Heaven for these special little angels.

Recker at the doctor's office

Ezra hooked up to the machines.

He looks sick

Ezra looks so tiny in that crib.

Ezra joins our Family

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6, 2013

Ezra joins our family

This is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog. Things have been crazy around the Williams home; so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel. He arrived on February 23, 2013, weighing nine pounds eight ounces and twenty-two inches long. I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again. There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born, I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad's spirit strong. On my way home I called and told Kayla what a wonderful experience it was to feel him right there with me again. I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray. He was an amazing man. We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I must brag about my oldest daughter for a minute. Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is. Never a peep out of her. In her mind, she thinks she is screaming, but we never hear a word from her. I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section, and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--the problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders, they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section. Kayla did awesome. Little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers to get this little guy out safely. After his head was out, the nurse stuck her hands in and turned him. The pain was excruciating, especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it. I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head. I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally, he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been a fantastic mother to Recker, and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

The doctor had to suction him out--poor little head.

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker gives their little brother his 1st kiss.

This is perfection at its finest. Our family has been highly blessed.

Christmas 2011

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2011

Christmas 2011

Is there anything better than children at Christmas? I have so enjoyed Recker this year. He has the cutest personality and a smile that will warm any heart. Recker has picked at our Christmas tree and decorations until they look scarce in some spots, and I love it. He brings a special spirit into our home.

Sometimes I wish I could just jump inside his little brain and see what he is thinking. Autism, though sad in many ways, can also be remarkably interesting. I've noticed that Recker is trying so hard to communicate with us; he knows a couple of words in sign. Kayla and Jeremy have taken him off gluten and dairy, which affects his moods and behavior. In my kitchen, I have a candy jar with gluten-free suckers. We often walk into the kitchen to find him staring up at the pot, signing the word "PLEASE" how cute he is. He loves to watch Disney movies, and sometimes Recker will start laughing so hard we can't help but repeatedly rewind to capture those moments. If there was only one wish I could have for this new year, it would be to hear my darling grandson talk, just say, mom or dad. Those are easy, right? I love to watch him as he plays alone. He babbles in a language only he understands. Recently I was playing with him in my bedroom and needed to go downstairs for something as soon as I walked out of the room, he ran after me and grabbed my hand a then brought me back into the bedroom, my eyes filled with tears, he is trying so hard to communicate.

Recker loves cardboard boxes and loves to play in them and on them. I bought him a cardboard castle, Haleigh Brownlee and I painted and decorated it (mostly Haleigh, she is the talented artist) Recker loved it; we also bought him a little motorcycle. He had a BIG smile on his face as it raced across the wood floors in my home. This has been a wonderful Christmas season with our family.

Halloween

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2011

Halloween

Recker was dressed as a Lumber Jack this year-- he is so cute, still holding tight to buzz.  He fell asleep before he had a chance to go trick-or-treating.  I tried to get him to nap all day, but he was not interested.  I love this little guy.