New Baby Boy (Phoenix)

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2014

New Baby Boy
What is up with all this modern technology?  3D ultrasounds? When my baby girl, who's having this baby boy was in my tummy--we had an ultrasound too, it sure didn't look like this though. It showed us Kaitlyn was going to be a boy, I don't think those mistakes happen much these days.  I am so happy for Kaitlyn and Brian; they have been married for over 5 years now.  Brian has worked hard going to school full time--ASU graduate in May--perfect timing to take over Daddy daycare...?

He looks just like Brian

Especially with this smirk on his face--BRIAN

It's interesting as a parent to watch your own children grow up, fall in love, figure marriage out, and now have babies.  This little guy is arriving in February and will be our third grandson.  I have never in my life seen any girl happier about being pregnant .... Well except me, I loved being pregnant. Seriously though, Brian and Kaitlyn are so organized with the babies' room, diapers, etc.  They have no idea what is about to happen to their lives.

 The joy of parenting is indescribable, and I know they are going to be so much better at it than I ever was.  It's always been my dream that my children would raise a better generation than we did, hopefully with each generation it gets better and better.  I have no doubt this baby will be loved; our family is so excited that in just a couple short months this little guy will be all the attention.  When I look at these pictures I'm so emotionally attached to knowing where he is coming from--a perfect, peaceful, loving place, and as much as we want him to feel what he is feeling right now as he prepares to say goodbye to his great Grandad, Da Wi, cousins, and siblings he will enter this world perfect, but along the way make some mistakes.  My bonbon advice is "It's OK to make mistakes, we all do. The most important thing to learn about life is that you are loved, and it's not about how you start the race, it's all about how you end the race. Learn from every mistake, laugh it off, be happy, and share your knowledge with everyone, you are the brightest star in the sky, and I love you"

Mastering the Mundane

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 2014

Mastering the Mundane

It looks nastier than it really is...it broke last night. Today, I'm happy--not for any other reason, but I'm Alive, I'm Free, I'm Me--I will keep waking up, and I was still Monya. Still here, the sun is shining through my bedroom window; I got up and walked out onto the balcony off my bedroom--I remember the day when I could look out there and see the Superstition mountains of Arizona. Although, they are more like hills, comparatively to the huge Mountains in other parts of the world and country. For us born and raised here in Az we love our mountains.

 I realize I am living this continual roller coaster, one month great, and 3 months not so great.  I am always constantly wondering; what am I not getting? What is it that I should be learning here? I've tried to run and hide, I've tried to ignore it, I've even tried to pretend this is just a big joke...jokes on me.

When Blake was in the Dominican Republic and I was enduring the treatments of chemo and radiation, I often times went in his room and knelt to pray, begging and pleading with the Lord to take my pain away, asking why my son had to be gone for so long, I just wanted one more hug from him, thinking back now I remember those days as daily trials, things were happening so quickly I had a ray of HOPE, knowing Blake was given a blessing by President Greer the night before he left for the MTC telling him if he remained obedient the Lord would bless our family, and that I would be here when he returned in 2 years. I thought when Blake came home, the trials would magically end...after all Blake did all he was asked to do. He was obedient, he had the best two years of his life, and our family felt the overwhelming power of the Priesthood and the Holy Ghost with us, we saw miracles happen with my health.   I had it all figured it out, and I prayed thanking Him for bringing my son home safely. Little did I know, my journey was just beginning. Have you ever had a beautiful heart break written and sung by Hilary Weeks? Whenever I hear that song, it is as if it was written fo me.  Every fear I had and every pain I felt I would pray he would take it all away--I never dreamed I would make it through, now that I'm here where I am right now still with sleepless nights and continual fear, I don't think I would ever trade any of that for anything, nothing I say or write can come close to explaining the emotions I have had through this beautiful heartbreak of mine.

He wore those CARS swim trunks all summer

I love this...Blake thank you

dirty like a boy...he knew Boston was #1

Why get a bowl, bonbon lets me eat from the carton...shhh don't tell mom

Recker would live at the ocean, he never tires of it

Just like Blake was, Recker loves the outdoors

school picture--I love it

Today Recker was here, and I watched him swim, no words were spoken I just wanted to watch his happiness, I wanted time to stand still so I could remember every minute every second of his laughter. This little angel boy has brought me such happiness, I just want to squeeze him, I hope he knows I love him so much; I would gladly take away his trial, to hear him say "I love you" to his mom and ad.  Every parent deserves to hear those words, but with Recker he shows his love in so many other ways--I have an open wound on my upper arm where the doctor took skin to graft into my ar.  Today, when Recker was swimming he  scratched his knee and he showed it to me, I blew on it gave him a hug and he was off to jump, splash and play.....when it was time for him to leave he clung to me, not wanting to leave, I bent down to hug him, it was then that he saw the sore on my arm, and in an innocent pure gesture he took my face in his hands stared into my eyes, trying to communicate he lifted his shorts up to show me his scratch, then he kissed my arm. He was trying to show me, we were both scarred with bruises--at that moment I couldn't explain the rush of emotions that came over me, this little boy knew how to enter my heart, fill up my eyes with joyful tears that seemed to flow so easily today. I felt like my heart was bursting to understand, I could not catch my breath enough to be able to say, "I Love You", he kissed my cheek and then my arm. He took me by the hand, and we walked to the car holding hands, I hugged him like it was the last day I would ever see him again.

I gave a testimonial at one of our Nerium meetings, usually, I am composed because I have learned to say when people ask how I am doing, "it couldn't be betterer" I'm grateful when I least expect it, the clouds part and a ray of light reminds me who I am and that God has heard every single prayer today was one of those days I think because I have been so desperate for answers, I learned today I have a purpose, something totally different than what I had expected--answers came clearly.  Standing and having an opportunity to explain my story and my "why" for being involved with this company, I listened to others who spoke before me, and each of us had a different "why" some for financial freedom, some for self-development, single worthy beautiful women sharing their struggles and wanting not only to be self-sufficient but to find fulfillment in helping others find their true potential and happiness.

 When it was my turn to speak, the walls were taken down,  it came from my soul, as I explained my "why" I began to cry (so much for composure), I looked around this room filled with people who are dedicated hard working men and women, my eyes were brought to Crissy Caufman and her sweet husband, I had no idea who they were a few months ago now I include them in my friendship circle I have found, Liz Decker, never knew her before, she's amazing, in the back Danny Jones gave me chills an impressive young man who understands the Atonement, understands life's struggles and teaches me more than he knows, Shelli Richardson who listened to the spirit a few months ago not knowing -- I too was praying for a change to  me.  So, my "why" is different than most in that room, trying to bring me out of a cancer Mayo Clinic-filled life, I've found a way to reconnect with old friends and make new lasting friends if I never become monetarily wealthy being amongst happy uplifting people with integrity helping others is helping to refine me as I go through the bitter and sweet.

 As crazy and strange as it seems, I have found another "why" Recker, he's one of my heroes, he has more love and sweetness in his little 4-year-old body than some 40 years old's I know. Some may not know what a difficult financial burden it can be on a family trying to raise a child with special needs. I would love to provide a home for them where this little guy can run outside and play, a place to call me.  If I can give this my all with Recker in mind, I will be able to achieve that all. I will never give up, I just need to learn how to master the mundane -- showing up, doing my part, and then doing it again the next day--for every no I get a little closer to a yes, so I try not to take it personally and recognize it as a learning experience.  The joy I will feel when those dreams become real is REAL. It is going to happen...So did anyHappenrnthing today, yes, a big YES, nothing thatgiantdidn't already know but some things I have forgotten to tap into...remember two things I am blond, so it takes longer to sink in... haha and,  He always sends His love it has given me HOPE in the darkness and helped me back into the light, I've been blessed to see that the give and take are exactly what we all need to help us become who He wants us to be, as He allows those trials to strengthen us, I'm looking forward to seeing what the next year will bring fo me.  Something extraordinary is about ready to surprise even me; I can do anything with Him on my team.

Mastering the Mundane

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 2014

Mastering the Mundane

It looks nastier than it really is..it broke last night.

Today I'm happy--not for any other reason but just because I'm Alive, I'm Free, I'm Me--I woke up, and I was still Monya. Still here, the sun is shining through my bedroom window; I got up and walked out onto the balcony off of my bedroom--I remember the day when I could look out there and see the Superstition mountains of Arizona. Although, they are more like hills, comparatively to the huge Mountains in other parts of the world or country. For us born and raised here in Az, we love our mountains.

 I realize I am living on this continual roller coaster, one month is great, and 3 months not so great. I am always constantly wondering, what am I not getting? What is it that I should be learning here? I've tried to run and hide, I've tried to ignore it, I've even tried to pretend this is just a big joke.... jokes on me.

When Blake was in the Dominican Republic, and I was enduring the treatments of chemo and radiation, I often times went into his room and knelt to pray, begging and pleading with the Lord to take my pain away, asking why my son had to be gone for so long, I just wanted one more hug from him, thinking back now I remember those days as daily trials, things were happening so quickly I had a ray of HOPE, knowing Blake was given a blessing by President Greer the night before he left for the MTC telling him if he remained obedient the Lord would bless our family, and that I would be here when he returned in 2 years. I thought when Blake came home, the trials would magically end. Blake did all he was asked to do. He was obedient, had the best two years of his life, and our family felt the overwhelming power of the Priesthood and the Holy Ghost with us; we saw miracles happen with our health.  I had it all figured out, and I prayed to thank Him for bringing my son home safely. Little did I know, my journey was just beginning. Have you ever had a beautiful heartbreak? Whenever I hear that song, it is as if it was written for me. Every fear I had and every pain I felt, I would pray he would take it all away--I never dreamed I would make it through; now that I'm here where I am right now,, still with sleepless nights and continual fear, I don't think I would ever trade any of that for anything, nothing I say or write can come close to explaining the emotions I have had through this beautiful heartbreak of mine.

He wore those CARS swim trunks all summer.

I love this...Blake thank you

Dirty like a boy...he knew Boston was #1

 

Why get a bowl? Bonbon lets me eat from the carton...shhh don't tell mom.

Recker would live in the ocean; he never tires of it.

Just like Blake, Recker loves the outdoors.

School picture--I love it

Today Recker was here,, and I watched him swim; no words were spoken. I just wanted to protect his happiness; I wanted time to stand still so I could remember every second of his laughter. This little angel boy has brought me such joy; I just want to squeeze him; I hope he knows I love him so much; I would gladly take away his trial to hear him say "I love you" to his mom and da   Every parent deserves to listen to those words, but Recker, he shows his love in so many other ways--I have an open wound on my upper arm where the doctor took the skin to graft into my ear. Today, when Recker was swimming, he scratched his knee, and he showed it to me; I blew on it, gave him a hug, and he was off to jump, splash and play.....when it was time for him to leave, he clung to me, not wanting to go, I bent down to hug him, it was then that he saw the sore on my arm, and in an pure innocent gesture he took my face in his hands stared into my eyes,  trying to communicate he lifted his shorts up to show me his scratch, then he kissed my ar . He was trying to show me we are both scarred with bruises--at that moment, I can't explain the rush of emotions that came over me; this little boy knew how to enter my heart, fill up my eyes with joyful tears that seemed to flow so quickly today. I felt like my heart was bursting to understand; I could not catch my breath enough to say, "I Love You"; he kissed my cheek and then my arm again. He took me by the hand, and we walked to the car holding hands; I hugged him like it was the last day I would ever see him again.

Usually, I am composed and I have learned to say when people ask how I am doing, "couldn't be better" Having this moment with Recker today, a reality was made clear to me, we are a forever family, we are not without trials, every family has them, they manifest themselves in different ways from family to family, but none of us are without problems. I'm grateful when I least expect it, the clouds part, and a ray of light reminds me who I am and that God has heard every single prayer, Heaven surprises me constantly when I least expect it...today was one of those days I think because I have been so desperate for answers, I learned today I have a purpose, something totally different than what I had expected--answers came clear.

As crazy and strange as it seems, I have found another reason to live Recker; he's one of my heroes; he has more love and sweetness in his little 4-year-old body than some 40 years old's I know. Some may not know the difficult financial burden it can be on a family trying to raise a child with special needs. 

So, did I learn anything today? Yes, a big YES, nothing that I didn't already know but some things I have forgotten to tap into. remember 2 things I am blond so it takes longer to sink in...haha and,  He always sends His love it has given me HOPE in the darkness and helped me back into the light, I've been blessed to see that the give and take are precisely what we all need to help us become who He wants us to be, as He allows those trials to strengthen us, I'm looking forward to seeing what the next year will bring for me. Something unique is about ready to surprise even me, I can do anything with Him on my team.

Bucket Lists--Are They Overrated?

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Bucket lists--are they Overrated?

So, I was reading back on some of the posts I wrote about making a bucket list, and I came across this one, written in July of 2010. I wrote in one of the lines that the list may change...I was correct...
***********************************************************************************
 This was written in July of 2010
I was going to call it a bucket list, but I was thinking' that makes it sound like I think I might die soon, and I don't. So, it is going to just be my 'TO DO" LIST.... things I would like to do before I die .... someday, they are in no particular order, and I realize over the years it may change, but for today in 2010 this is it:

1. Go to Paris with Eric .... This has been a lifelong dream he took the girls a few years ago (daddy-daughter trip) Done ✔
2. Take my entire family to Nauvoo and back to the sacred grove
3. Serve a mission
4. Visit Savannah, Georgia and eat at Paula Deans restaurant Done ✔
5. Run a Marathon
6. Give more than I have been given (not sure if this is even possible)
7. Write a book (another lifelong dream) Done ✔
8. Learn to play tennis (I don't even know the rules)
9. Learn to use my camera on manual
10. Attend the Olympics (anywhere)
11. Visit Tahti...Bora Bora  Done ✔

********************************************************************************

The checks next to each thing mean we or I have done it since writing this list.  It is September 2013, and my perspective is completely different than it was back then.  I have come to realize to-do lists and bucket lists are fun and interesting to talk about and do but are most certainly not the most important in my life. None of us know what our Heavenly Father has in store for us.  For me, and this is just my opinion for my life and the experiences I have been through--the very most important things are not necessarily things. They are the people in my life and how I spend my time with them, how I serve, and if by chance I get the opportunities to travel, I should use each moment to enjoy my life and share my knowledge (which really is not much) serve those in need when I can.  I really don't think when I die and get to wherever I am going, the Lord is going to say to me, "well done Miss Monya, let's look at your bucket list and see what you got done" I believe the conversation will be more like 

"Sister Monya, have you fulfilled all of your callings to the best of your ability, have you listened to the spirit and served others? Did you care for the sick and the needy? Did you love and serve your family? Did you forgive those who have offended you? Did you say sorry to those who you have offended? Did you take every opportunity to share the gospel with others? Have you kept all the covenants you made with me in the Temple? How did you treat and love your husband? 
Don't get me wrong, I still would like to run a marathon--chances are--I won't--but it won't keep me from Heaven--my book is this blog--I don't have the time to learn how to use a camera on manual and don't really know if I care anymore--tennis is fun, again won't keep me from heaven. Olympics? really? love to do that, but chances are it's a dream--and won't keep me from Heaven--Bora Bora--been there--still not going to heaven because of it.
So, I think do lists are good? YES, a bucket list is interesting and fun, YES but not necessary--the most magical trip I ever took was the one I went to Paris with Eric on. Nothing will ever beat that--it was all I expected and more--my heart was in a good place at that time. I needed that trip to help me believe in life again--NOW, my priorities and lists are much different.
And just so you know, if I did not work for USAirways, we would not be able to make any of these trips we have done. We fly for free and get a tremendous discount on cruises and hotels--I do not take any of those blessings in my life for granted, and I am grateful for all those memories I have created for my children--but sometimes, "things" just don't matter anymore, salvation and being a good person is what I want to attain. 

Monday Day 12 Fakarava Tuesday Sea Day #13

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2013

Monday Day 12 Fakarava Tuesday Sea Day #13

Got myself in an awkward place a few times trying to pronounce this Island, try saying it, for that matter try saying it three times in a row--it's a challenge.
I woke up, said my little prayer for the day, no scriptures, I ate little breakfast, not feeling too well today. The Island is flat, not any mountains, we took the tender to the Island and were met with singing Polynesian music by four women. Dressed in traditional Tahitian clothing and so happy, I tried to give them a tip, and graciously they refused, how many times has that happened? I still insisted and got a kiss on each cheek, well worth the money.

Jesus, Antonio and Eric were off to find either a boat to take us out snorkeling, or a car to drive around the Island. NOTHING--Jesus and Antonio came back to tell us there was nothing available, I said, "Where is Eric?" they looked around and, well I guess the only way I can explain Eric is he is a salesman and does not take NO for an answer.... He went door to door. He found a young girl said something to her in French and off she was on her bike.  I walked out to the beach to look and some pictures, soon the girl came back and Eric said, "let's go" He found Fernando--a young man who was willing to take us all in his truck on a trip around Fakarava.  As a new set of people arrived off the tender to the Island, a husband and wife asked if they could go with us, and they were willing to sit in the back of the truck, Fernando said, "Wee Wee" and off we went.  Fernando comes from a family of seventeen children, he is number ten.  Born and raised on this Island, I wondered if he ever thought about leaving or exploring other places in the world.

This Island has been protected and preserved, not much has changed here from the beginning of time. This Island is literally filled with unexplored beaches and villages.  The pink beaches, shaded by coconut trees and crystal-clear waters.  Fernando took us and showed us where he lives and helps with his grandmother, then we went to one of his uncles land and Fernando picked green coconuts for each of us, chopped them at the top and gave us a taste of the sweetest coconut milk I've ever had--I don't like the mushy insides of the green coconuts so I went and picked a brown one, shook it up to see if it had any juice in it.  We chopped it up and we ate the meat from this coconut--I love the raw, natural taste of organic coconut--I ate the whole thing--no sharing.

While we were exploring the ocean waters, just a few feet from me were a shark--ummm---I was running out of that water faster than I ever did in any race I've ever done, it totally freaked me out.  Fernando laughed, I looked over at him and he was making everyone's hats out of palm leaves--it was so sweet. Then he surprised us by putting his hands down these holes in the sand where crabs were living, after several holes were dug into viola' he pulled out a crab, crustaceans are just one of the things the people from Fakarava are proud of.  In the village of Tetamanu stands the oldest Catholic church in Polynesia. This is also an amazing place for divers, drift diving is extremely popular here, the coral colors were beautiful.  This Island only has a population of under one thousand people. I told Fernando "No wonder you can't find a wife, you may end up marrying a cousin."  Eric had to translate it in French, I was glad he laughed, I wasn't sure how he would take it.

He drove us to places and showed us amazing scenery that I know no one else on that ship got to see--although this was a short day and we had to be back on the ship by five it was fun.

The Fakarava School Bus

flat land coconut trees everywhere

She chopped open a coconut and we drank

white sand beaches, full of seashells, and beautiful coral

driveway to the beach

Thinking of Vi

These rocks were stacked all along the beach

put a rock on top for goof luck--mine is on the top

how'd you like this to be your backyard view?

I'm actually in the water, and a shark is within a few feet

beautiful beach views

the crab Fernando dug up

The home Fernando shares with his Grandmother

can you see the shark?---I didn't realize it until it swam just behind me

what can I say?

Mr. CocoNUT

He thinks if he holds a machete and 3 coconuts I'm impressed.....

I just loved this abandoned little port

I loved this homemade picnic table they made on the beach for the kids

Fernando's truck and the guys in the back

Fernando showing off the crab and the hats he made for everyone

I could sit here, in this place all day under a coconut tree

Tuesday SEA DAY--more like SEASICK day for me by day 13, I was physically exhausted and really missing home, my children and grandchildren.  I stayed in my room a lot of this day, not feeling well, not because of being seasick, I had a migraine, and was fearing another mini stroke.  I looked out my window and saw a half rainbow--it reminded me of Haleigh and when she and I went to Hawaii just a week before I was diagnosed with cancer, and then the day I finished chemo, the most beautiful full rainbow appeared out of the window where I was sitting--Rainbows are always a sign to me that something good is coming--

What a beautiful sight

This evening I got ready for dinner with  our new friends Antonio and Maria, Jesus and Conchi & we were invited to sit at a special table with the cruise directors on the staff.  We wondered why they invited us and we soon found out, it was because they wondered "why and how, people from Spain, Canary Islands, and the United States could all communicate and have so much fun together?"  They also wondered if something was wrong with Eric,  both of the cruise directors spoke perfect English, Russian, Spanish and French, they asked me "what language does your husband speak?" when I asked them why they said "it sounds like he puts Spanish, French, English, and Filipino all together in sentences" I laughed and responded, "nothing is wrong with him, he speaks fluent English and French, knows a tiny bit of Spanish, and any Filipino he has learned has been on this ship from the workers, he just wants to speak all of them fluent so he throws a few words of each language in here and there. it drives me crazy"  They then understood Mr. Eric.  As far as the question they had about our instant friendship with Antonio Maria, Jesus and Conchi, I told them that normally I would stick to myself, for fear of offending someone when trying to speak with them and help them understand, but they all wanted to know English so badly, they would ask us about everything, soon we were able to communicate--not sure the translations all were exactly correct, but I really fell in love with all of them.  We are hoping to see Jesus and Conchi in New York in November.  After dinner tonight I went off to bed while Eric went with the rest of them to the top of the ship to see a spectacular view of the stars.

Jesus and Conchi Antonio and Maria Eric and I