Disney On Ice

     Chloe and Blake gave me tickets for Christmas to take Weslie to Disney on Ice for my birthday. Weslie and I talked the entire way to the stadium and were very excited about the show. We arrived early and were able to get a really great parking spot. We found where we were supposed to sit, then went out to the vendors for yummy food, drinks, and, of course, to buy a souvenir for Weslie. She is so sweet and asked if we could get something for Zeek. I already had that idea in mind, but when Weslie said, "I would rather get something for Zeek if you don't have enough money." My heart ... oh my heart!! I love this little girl. She is so polite and kind, and she is only seven years old, far older in maturity than seven years old. I also noticed she saved half of everything we ordered for treats and saved them for Zeek. He had popcorn, half a churro, half of her cotton candy, and a souvenir.

    I loved watching Weslie as the Characters came onto the ice; she was so wide-eyed and excited that it warmed my heart. She sang along to the music and announced the characters' names as they entered the ice. Weslie is so sweet. I loved every second with her.

                                            

I Love This Time of Year

 Last year, I wanted to know if Frenchie would make it through one more night. He did, and he has worked so hard this year on getting healthy that he's lost over 100 pounds. He loves to walk, and we both eat clean. I, too, have lost some weight. 

Today, I invited the grandchildren over who could come, which ended up being Weslie and Zeek. We decorated gingerbread houses, played outside, and then played some games inside. I don't know how I got so blessed, but these little ones always teach me something. Today, Weslie and her dad worked on her gingerbread house, and little Zeek decided that it was no fun, so he headed to the toy room for some trucks and balls.

I missed having my other grandchildren here who couldn't make it. Haleigh and Scott, with little Senabun and Ellis, couldn't be here, but I really missed them. Ellis is just so cute, and little Sena reminds me of Haleigh when she was three years old. Damn, that feels like yesterday. I can't believe how fast time goes by. Haleigh is thirty years old, almost thirty-one. Will I be around when Sena is thirty-one?

Christmas is always better with children around. Eric is in Mexico. He's been there for a week, and I miss him. The Lukeville border is closed due to too many migrants entering the country. The border patrol, which is normally at Lukeville, will be dispersed to other areas. So, no going in and no coming out.

He is on his way home and called me from the San Luis border this morning. I'm looking forward to snuggling on the sofa and watching a Christmas movie. The weather is beautiful in Arizona right now, and I will enjoy it while we have it.

The holidays are my favorite time of year. The family gathers together to talk about what we are more grateful for. We enjoy the music, movies, treats, and each other during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I always miss my children who can't be here with us, but I understand it's a busy time, and they have other family to be with.

Cute little Weslie 7 years old

Weslie

Blake and Weslie

Myself, Zeek three years old and Blake

My Favorite Things

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2014

My Favorite Things

All week I've been thinking about how hard it is to describe FAVORITES ... weird thought I know.

Favorites for me have sometimes come and gone in a flash.  Depending on my age, the people in my life at the time, and the circumstances for which they become my favorites.

When I was a little girl, I watched The Wizard of Oz every year when it came on TV.  I thought Judy Garland was beautiful even in black and white. I will never forget seeing the movie for the first time in color--it was so vibrant and alive--I loved it--I despised the monkeys, they scared me.  My favorite part of the movie was when she sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue

and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

One day I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where your troubles melt like lemon drops

way above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly

If birds can fly over the rainbow, why, then oh why can't I?

One day I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Way above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly

If birds can fly over the rainbow, why, then oh why can't I?

If Happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

The first time I heard this song, I loved the melody, but the first time I listened to the lyrics I became obsessed.  It was difficult to imagine daring to dream of a happy place, or that dreams can come true. Since those days, I have always been in awe of Rainbows. When Haleigh and I saw a double rainbow in Hawaii just a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed with cancer, it later became a 

Christmas 2013

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2013

The Lord Loves Me

Tuesday, December 24--

This week I got a phone call from my sister Sonya, her son and his wife Katie are having a baby in a couple of months. Sonya was so excited because she had all boys, and now finally, they had their baby girl in the family; her phone call was to let me know Katie had gone to her regular appointment and there was no heartbeat, and the baby had died. It was heartbreaking, and Jimmie was in California. She was induced to give birth to Dannie Jo, named after Katie's dad; she was 12" long and weighed 1.3 pounds. Yesterday we attended her graveside; nothing has touched me like this, seeing Jimmie carry this tiny little casket to the burial area. Then he and Katie stood and talked about their love for Dannie Jo and the plan of salvation. I was impressed with their knowledge of the method of salvation. There is no doubt in my mind or theirs that they will hold and love and hug and kiss Dannie Jo again someday. She is a good reason for us all to live like Christ did so we can be with her again --

Also, in the Williams family, Blake was admitted to Banner Gateway early this morning; he has been to the ER a couple of times this week and has been sent home with no answers. He has incredible pain in his stomach, throwing up, diarrhea, and complete frustration, not knowing what the problem is. They took several cultures, and we still have no answers. He was discharged from the hospital with antibiotics, pain meds, and a referral to a gastro Doctor. Also, last night our little Recker was in the ER, I don't understand much about his diagnosis (Autism), but he has breathing problems. When he gets a cold, it is intensified. Last night he was gasping for breath, so Kayla took him to the ER at Phoenix Children's Hospital. He is home and doing well; he was given some breathing treatments.

After spending time at the hospital today, when I got home, the right side of my face was very swollen, Sonya had said something about it yesterday, but I didn't notice anything except that I cannot eat much as my jaw hurts when I open my mouth, so soup has been about all I can eat. Last night when I washed my face, I could see the swollen areas Sonya was talking about, and it felt different on that side when I put on the face lotion. Tonight, I had Sonya and Greg come over and look at the inside of my ear with a flashlight, Eric was gone, and I could not see inside my ear; I always put two pieces of cotton in my ear like the Doctor showed me how to do, but I could not find the other one. Greg did the looking, and Sonya held the flashlight--not a fun sight to see, I'm sure; I asked Greg to take a picture so I could see what it looked like.

Sonya had some tears in her eyes, but I know she has had so much going on that this was not what she was worried about. The pain is still unmanageable, and I am so concerned about getting germs, but honestly, I do not feel great and have not left my home other than Eric taking me for a ride, and that was not what I had expected. Tomorrow is Christmas, and Eric and I both looked at each other and said we do not feel the Christmas spirit we usually do. Let's hope 2014 will be an uplifting and learning year without surgery or pain.

Christmas Day 2013

I woke up this morning to my sweet Ezra in my face, smiling big. Oh, I love my grandchildren. They certainly can turn a frown into a smile. Neither Ez nor Recker understood or knew what Christmas was. We enjoyed giving them some little things and spending time with Kayla and Jeremy, but the second Ezra got tired, I took the opportunity to feed him his bottle in my bed and take a nap next to him. We slept for a while until Blake, Chloe, Scott, and Haleigh showed up; Kaitlyn and Brian are in Utah, so we will celebrate with them when they get home from spending time with the Wrights. I must enjoy my time with Ezra when Kaitlyn is gone because she really does like to hug him...he loves her and lights up when she comes into the room.

While I write this post, it is midnight, and I am sewing, blogging, and watching The Sound of Music--my favorite movie.

--Eric is fast asleep. He tried his hardest to get someone to go to see a movie tonight, but no luck. I'm glad he has such a great relationship with his son-in-laws and Blake. I looked at him tonight before he went to sleep and said, "You know how much I love you?" He smiled and said, "not more than I love you," and that was music to my ears; I suppose there was no better way to go to sleep at night. Tomorrow I will see the surgeon for a 2nd opinion, but I told Sonya yesterday I don't consider it "giving up," but I really am done with all the cancer stuff; it is no way to live, and my quality of life may not be the same as what others may think they would want. So, let's pray tonight that the news will be good tomorrow. Tonight, I have a lot to be grateful for another Christmas I have been given to spend with my family. The Lord loves me.

Beautiful Boy, Perfect Love

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 4, 2013

Beautiful Boy, Perfect Love

I simply adore this little boy. Recker is such a unique, special boy. Sometimes I wonder what is going through his beautiful little head. I watched him play with some of the children in his neighborhood yesterday from a distance. He was off alone in the corner by himself, then at one point, he heard one of the little girls talking to another little boy, Recker walked up and took the girl by the hand as if trying to get her to follow him, and she (like most children would do at her age) walked away from him. For just a slight moment, I could see this sadness on his face. He is starting to understand his limitations and what he cannot do. Soon, he will realize what he CAN do. We try to emphasize the CAN'S because there is a lot more he CAN do than he or we even realize.

  I want so desperately for the family to hear him just say something. Mom or dad would be preferable. He has now begun to wave goodbye to us. Once in a while, we can even get a little sound that we think is "bye-bye." When Blake counts ... one...two...three...jump ...we can usually hear him say when Blake gets to the two, Recker will say "twooey" it's so cute, we all jump for joy and have him do it over and over until he is fed up with it all, shakes his no. Off he goes to a new adventure much cooler than us.

He loves his daddy !!

Precious baby boy born 12-14-2009

Really? another picture? I'm barely awake.

I'm never getting out of the tub

bright eyes

just cuteness

fresh out of the tub

On 1st day of pre-school

helping bonbon get through a tough day

team bonbon--my biggest supporter

loves the OCEAN, OH AND OTTER POPS

YALE

uncle blake gets home from his mission

being an outside boy

Christmas 2012

  This little boy's heart is bursting with LOVE to be shared--Although he keeps it bundled up and sealed for special people in his life--I know he loves and feels Love. Recker has helped me understand that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of His children. We may not always understand THE PLAN, but if we let the process happen and listen for the spirit to teach us, we can hear the Love, especially the beautiful Love this boy has to offer.

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It's a Wonderful Life

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2012

It's a wonderful life

Unbelievably I have never seen the movie "It's a wonderful life" my sister Sonya has always watched it every year and encouraged me to do the same, but until this year I never took her up on that challenge. We went to the Cinemark movie theater in Tempe as a family to watch it on the big screen. WOW, what a fantastic old movie. Even in black and white, I was mesmerized by the story and genuinely enjoyed it.

Sometimes, we all get down on ourselves and forget to recognize the good we do. Even trivial things can change a life. I have often thought, "What if, and should I have done this differently, or why did I do that?" I have not always believed that people come into our lives for a reason or that some of the trials or even joys we have in our lives are meant to be. They just happen. I no longer believe this to be true. Of course, we have the agency to choose good or bad choices, but they always come with a consequence. Agency is never FREE.  I have a feeling if any of us were to be in the same position as George (It's a wonderful Life) and allowed to see what the world would have been like if we were never born, we would all be surprised at the things we do daily that has changed someone's life. Not only to our families and ourselves but to the everyday person we pass on the street or see in the store.  A smile or a simple "hello, can I help you" would and could change a life.

On Christmas Eve, we had all of our children and their families over for dinner. The only instructions I gave them were to be prepared to share a story of Christmas or one of their most memorable Christmas. I opened by reading "The Christmas Train" by Thomas S. Monson. Then I shared a few of my favorite Christmas memories, one being remembered as a child.  My mother gave me a white Holy Bible with my name inscribed on the front. I thought I was never going to stop smiling. I still have that Bible. Another story I told was about when Eric and I were dating. His mom bought me a gift, but miss placed it. She searched and searched and felt so badly thinking she had thrown it out with the garbage by accident.  I never cared about that gift, but I did care about that fact that I knew she loved me, she always showed me love and genuine compassion, to me that alone was worth more than anything she could of bought from a store.  The last story I told was when Blake was on his mission, that very 1st Christmas, I was going through my chemo treatments, oh how I missed him and honestly was not feeling well, not knowing if I would ever see him again made my heart hurt, but hearing his voice on Christmas day I think was the best Christmas gift I have ever been given.

Haleigh, my youngest daughter just got engaged a few days before Christmas to Scott Bigalow.  He told a story about his father dying when he was only 8 years old, before that time his dad was always the one who provided the mountain bikes and fun gifts for the boys, but the year he died was Christmas he said he would never forget.  They had no money and I'm sure his mom was  worried about how she would pay for food and utilities, in other words Christmas gifts were probably not on the top of the list of things to do.  One night his family was home and they heard noises outside, they all ran to see what was going on, it was Brad Wardrop hanging Christmas lights on their home.  He was a neighbor and close friend of the family. As tears ran down Scott's face I wondered if Brad even knew what an impact he had made on this kid.

Blake told stories from his mission, tears filled his eyes when he talked about those two Christmas's away from his home, but one, in particular, that really left a lasting impression on him. He said it was a Christmas he will never forget, the best Christmas he has ever had and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with the gifts he received , in particular,but more about the service he was able to give.

My son-in-law Bria rarely cries in 4 years, Kaitlyn said she has only cried once when his grandmother passed away.  I was impressed with his ability to see past all of the "fun" in Christmas. The 1st words out of his mouth were, "my heart hurts tonight for all of the mothers and fathers who will have a hard time going to sleep not knowing how they will provide a memorable Christmas for their children" I immediately put a blanket over my face as not to look at him while he cried. He could hardly speak, and I was weeping underneath my blanket. Quietly saying a prayer, one for all those families, and two telling Heavenly Father thank you for my family, we are truly blessed. I am blessed to have such a wonderful son in laws and a beautiful daughter-in-law who also lost her mother in December of 2009.

They all shared stories and thoughts, by the end of the night there were no dry eyes, we made a family goal for 2013, we said a family prayer, and ate cheesecake.

I truly do have a wonderful life.

Christmas 2011

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2011

Christmas 2011

Is there anything better than children at Christmas? I have so enjoyed Recker this year. He has the cutest personality and a smile that will warm any heart. Recker has picked at our Christmas tree and decorations until they look scarce in some spots, and I love it. He brings a special spirit into our home.

Sometimes I wish I could just jump inside his little brain and see what he is thinking. Autism, though sad in many ways, can also be remarkably interesting. I've noticed that Recker is trying so hard to communicate with us; he knows a couple of words in sign. Kayla and Jeremy have taken him off gluten and dairy, which affects his moods and behavior. In my kitchen, I have a candy jar with gluten-free suckers. We often walk into the kitchen to find him staring up at the pot, signing the word "PLEASE" how cute he is. He loves to watch Disney movies, and sometimes Recker will start laughing so hard we can't help but repeatedly rewind to capture those moments. If there was only one wish I could have for this new year, it would be to hear my darling grandson talk, just say, mom or dad. Those are easy, right? I love to watch him as he plays alone. He babbles in a language only he understands. Recently I was playing with him in my bedroom and needed to go downstairs for something as soon as I walked out of the room, he ran after me and grabbed my hand a then brought me back into the bedroom, my eyes filled with tears, he is trying so hard to communicate.

Recker loves cardboard boxes and loves to play in them and on them. I bought him a cardboard castle, Haleigh Brownlee and I painted and decorated it (mostly Haleigh, she is the talented artist) Recker loved it; we also bought him a little motorcycle. He had a BIG smile on his face as it raced across the wood floors in my home. This has been a wonderful Christmas season with our family.