Brain Scan

 I thought I was past getting these scans. My neurologist wants to continue scanning my brain. I have fallen a lot since I was diagnosed with Meningitis. I've had an increase in migraines. 

I arrived at Mayo Clinic Hospital's first floor for the scan. This is a scan or (MRI) I have never experienced. First, I had to get dressed in the gown, and then I was taken into a room where the nurse had a hard time finding a vein. (no big surprise) After being poked several times, she finally found a baby vein in my finger; she was nice enough to use the infant needles. Most nurses don't listen to me when I tell them it's hard to find a vein in me, and they continue with big needles and blow out my veins. Today, I was blessed with a nurse who could see no veins, used baby needles, and proceeded. She was so kind and gentle.

She accompanied me to the waiting area, where two men were waiting. I was called first and followed the technician to the MRI machine room. He explained to me that this was not a typical MRI. With their magnetic process, the sounds will be more intense and different than I'm used to. I'm assuming I am also not allowed to have music on because of the metal in the earbuds or headphones.

As they rolled me into this massive MRI machine, I lay still as they asked. I closed my eyes and dreamed of Frenchie and me in Porte Jaune riding bikes. This was the most exciting romantic trip we had ever been on. I'm not scared or anxious going into Mayo Clinic today, Eric usually had to give me a pep talk when I go into these procedures. Today, my memories with my love helped me get through the racket going on in this machine. Before I knew it they pulled me out and connected me to the IV in my finger. This will give the specific dye my body needs for the techs to see anything unusual. I could feel the dye going through my body, but once again my Frenchie was smiling down on me with that twinkle in his eye.

Meningitis

Eric took this at just the right moment.

    I'm on vacation as of 10 minutes ago. Eric is so excited about going away for a few days, as am I. We arrived at our condo in Mexico around 4:00pm. The weather was refreshing with a slight breeze from the ocean. The resort was quiet, and most importantly we found a great parking spot, Eric is having his second hip replaced on Tuesday, and we will have a few days to enjoy being together. Lately I've been so busy trying to finish "Pebbles in my Pocket," learning to let go of the things you can't control." and the "Happiness Junkie, #KindnessMatters. We haven't had much time together and we wanted time away.

          He rarely complains, but since his last surgery, he has had terrible acid reflexes that sound like they hurt. He said it hurt his chest. We stayed in the condominium but had so much fun lying on the sofa watching movies and keeping up on the Local Government election. We ate popcorn, snacks, and sandwiches for dinner, and then we went out.

           We had intimate conversations about the trials we have had and how after 40+ years we have served one another, forgiven one another, and learned more about each other, as far as our wants and needs we began writing our goals for 2023. We talked about our children, each one of them. Eric and I did our best to raise four responsible adults. Now it is their time to live the life they want and what makes them happy.

        We are both looking toward retirement and have written our goals for the next five years. He is so excited to start building our home in Mexico and selling a few condos, and then He surprised me with the layout of the house in Mexico and wanted to know my advice. Together we changed a few things, like bedroom sizes, bathroom placement, etc.

        On Monday, I woke up unable to balance, I ran into walls, and my right eye looked infected and bright red. I had a migraine like I've never had and eventually started having some hallucinations, people looked short, fat, and pregnant, even the men. I took a migraine medicine to hopefully help the pain as we drove from Mexico to the Mayo Clinic. On the way home, I spoke with Dr. Lettieri since it looked like it was an eye infection. I asked if we should come to County Hospital or Mayo Clinic. He said Mayo since the Maricopa Hospital does not have an ophthalmologist in the ER. then asked Eric to text him with an update from Mayo Clinic.

        In the Emergency Room, I was taken for a CT scan, lots of drug testing, and ordered an MRI. By now, my hallucinations were constant with my eyes open or closed. I could not take any pain medication because they did not want to alter the results, and medicines can do that. I was given a spinal tap, and I thought about my youngest granddaughter Florence, she has spina bifida, and I wondered how many times in her life she would have to do this. It helped me to stay still so the doctor could do this spinal tap quickly.

        I didn't get to my room until around 3:00 a.m. I texted Dr. Lettieri knowing he would be up and getting ready for work. Dr. Lettieri was in surgery at Mayo when I updated him. He came from surgery to check on me. He knows my story from the beginning to now. He found out who my Neurosurgeon was on duty and gave him the background. He told my neuro team this had nothing to do with my eye. Eric and I love Dr. Lettieri, Eric is always saying how lucky we are to have him on speed dial as we have had to use him several times. The Neurosurgeon respects Dr. Lettieri and was glad he called him so they could eliminate the eye as the main reason for the migraine and hallucinations.

        That night they took me in for the MRI around 10:00 pm. I asked Eric to go home, it's a long ride for him, and I wanted him to get home safely. He didn't want to leave, but I knew his hip was hurting, and he needed rest.

        The MRI was less than a fun time, I had to wear a mask in a tube that was already claustrophobic. It really scared me, so I closed my eyes and suffered through it. When they pulled me out to administer the contrast and dye. I asked if I could take off the mask, and the technician said since I did not move a muscle during the first round, it was okay for me to keep the mask off and it made an enormous difference. The pounding on my migraine made me throw up several times back to my room, and for the next couple of days...still had no pain medicine.

        Dr. Hasan, who is on my neurologist team, came into my room with Kayla and Eric, she finally had a diagnosis, I had viral meningitis. The swelling between my brain and the lining of the brain was infected and swollen, and this was what the hallucinations were coming from. Kaitlyn once again debated with a neurosurgeon through our family text. I did not have my phone, but Eric was reading it to me. Since Florence has spina bifida, she said the spinal fluid would not explain the slurred speech and hallucinations. It really hurt when Eric read that to me, A nurse happened to be in the room and then told my neurology team what she heard. She also heard me ask Eric if he thinks they all think I'm crazy, and he answered, "Yes."

            Dr. Hasan came to my bedside after Eric and Kayla left for the night. She held my hand and said the nurse told her about the conversation. She said, "I don't care if your family thinks you're crazy; you tell them what is happening to you, and the things you see are as real as they can be." Dr. Hassan said it is normal, and they've seen it before with meningitis patients. I thanked her for telling me this was normal. They ran every street drug test they could and knew I was not on drugs or that no alcohol use had happened. When the surgeon came in, he said Dr. Lettieri told him what was happening had nothing to do with any of the surgeries he had done. I also asked him to read the family text thread and tell me how to answer my daughter without causing more problems. His answer was, "I didn't get my degree from Google." I realized he read it the way I did like she doubted me without me saying anything about the contention this daughter has had about me for years. I decided it was not worth addressing, so I let it go. I just want peace and love in our family. But I was glad to know she was checking on me, I really think she doesn't like me.

        I felt like I couldn't get anyone to believe what I was seeing on the walls, ceiling, and floors. I asked Eric "Do you think the doctors think I'm crazy?" and he said, "I'm pretty sure they do, but I've known you longer than anyone. This is not normal behavior for you and yes, I believe you."

        The neurologist explained to me that from the spinal tap, they did the first night, they knew it was meningitis. Then they grew cultures from the fluid of the spine. I was told after the MRI my brain looked 'beautiful', and the infection was not in my eye it was in the brain area. They told me Meningitis is either Bacterial or Viral, one not worse than the other, simply different procedures to treat. If someone comes into the ER with bacterial Meningitis, they send them home with antibiotics. When it is Viral, they must first find out the source of where it is coming from, which showed in between the brain lining and the brain, for it can take 10 days to clear up, but they've seen three months of recovery. They said I could not return to work when I was released. I spent most of my vacation in the hospital.

I took another 13 days for MLOA from American Airlines. I'm nervous about Eric's surgery tomorrow. Since his first hip surgery in August, he's had chest pains and horrible acid reflexes. 

He has cared for me as my caregiver for so long, and now I will have a chance to serve him when he comes home tomorrow.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

Surgery with Doctor Lettieri

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2015

Surgery with Doctor Lettieri

 It's been challenging to blog about current events. I've signed a book deal. However, I am going to keep up my blog. Soon, it will have the logo from my book. I will also have a FB page for caregivers, survivors, or anyone wanting to know how to comfort a friend, family member, or loved one during and after cancer has been diagnosed.

I entered the Mayo Clinic Hospital early on December 2, 2015. The last surgery I had with Dr. Lettieri was successful. He took a nerve from my leg and masterfully entered behind my left ear through the left side of my face under my lip. We were told if the surgery was a success, we would feel it grow one inch per month. It has done just that, and now it is time to finish the job. This is a very tedious surgery; finding a viable nerve from the right side of my face will take a few hours.

When I woke up in recovery, it was a little scary for Eric--not sure if I was having a stroke or reaction to medicine--either way, I dry heaved for over 24 hours. Did you know dry heaving hurts?

After neurology was quickly called to the rescue, I had CT-PT-MRI and brain scans--no sign of stroke--however, since I was still in much pain and dry heaving, I was kept for longer than expected.
My surgeon, Dr. Lettieri, is in Italy...What the Heck? Do Doctors get vacations?

I needed to go to the Mayo Clinic since the surgery sight was bleeding. I was temporarily fixed but will see another Surgeon when Dr. Lettieri returns. (Monday) Nothing was wrong with the surgeon I could see, but my ultimate choice is Dr. Lettieri--FOREVER- I made the mistake of going to Cleveland Clinic on a suggestion --HUGE MISTAKE -- I will never do that again.

While working on the nerve in my face, Dr. Lettieri had no choice but to try and work around my paraded gland. I know this gland and the damage that can happen if I don't get it fixed, but I am not seeing anyone else but Dr. Lettieri. The gland, for those of you who don't know, is the gland where your saliva generates. This gland was compromised, and my face has backed up blood, either running down my throat or out of my incision. We cannot keep it controlled with our own packing.

I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. Lettieri next week with more updates.

New Baby Coming

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2015

New Baby Coming

Today, as I entered the Mayo Clinic there was no piano playing. I proceeded to the lab to get blood drawn and tests necessary. My next stop was to see Doctor Northfelt, my oncologist.  I had an hour and a half wait. I heard the piano playing and decided to sit and wait in the peaceful lobby. I listened to the waterfall, and occasionally I could hear doctors and patients interacting as they walked by. But today I was grateful I could really enjoy the music coming from the Piano. This was much better than sitting on the third floor and smelling the sickness of chemo in the air. I put my head back and closed my eyes.  He started to play a medley of songs from The Sound of Music (my favorite movie of all time) It was enchanting to listen to. I remember when Eric and I visited Austria a few years ago after I finished my rounds of chemo and radiation. As each song played, I pictured that day we visited. I am a blessed lady. While there have been so many distractions in my life, in the past few years I have been blessed with so much. Patience is a virtue I never thought I could conquer, but in the case of my health, I have learned it is invaluable. I have been blessed with incredible doctors all from the Mayo Clinic, and Doctor Haberkamp from the Cleveland Clinic.

Last Sunday Blake and Chloe announced they are expecting their first baby in February. The doorbell rang, I answered, and outside was a set of three balloons with a note that said to read to the Family. I was then asked to pop the balloon that reads #1 on it, so I did. Inside was an ultrasound picture. I quickly wanted to read note #2 it read that someone in the family would be bringing grandchild #4 to join us in February. I thought for sure it was Kaitlyn and Brian. Scott and Haleigh, Blake, and Chloe have all been very verbal about waiting to have children. The third balloon was supposed to be popped by Eric, but I didn't know Oh, and I forgot to mention I was popping these balloons with a butcher knife. I quickly popped #3 to find out who it was.........Blake and Chloe......... Chloe said, "Monya look at the color of the confetti inside the balloon...." It was PINK. This will be our first granddaughter. I of course went crazy running around crying, happy, hugging them all the while with the butcher knife in my hand.... I'm sure it was an ugly sight, and I might have said a curse word... Eric and I are so happy. Blake has been such a great brother to his sisters, and compassionate and loving to me, and to Chloe, he will be an incredible dad. Chloe is so great with all the nephews and really loves them, I know she is going to be a wonderful mother.  I keep thinking about her mom who passed away with cancer during the time I was going through chemo. She is with our little granddaughter now, sharing with her all the love she has and passing on a legacy for Chloe to follow.

Post-Op with Dr. Sal Lettieri

 

THURSDAY, JULY 2, 2015

Post-Op with Dr. Sal Lettieri

This past week has been challenging, not because of the pain from the surgery. Staying home and not being able to drive has been difficult. Today, I had my post-op appointment with Dr. Lettieri. Sonya was so sweet to take me to Mayo. I don't like anyone to go with me because it is not a fun way to spend time. This time, I was forced to ask for help; Eric could not go because my appointment time was changed at the last minute. I wondered what she would think of Dr. Lettieri and hoped she would love him as much as I do. I warned her as soon as I introduced her as my sister Sonya, he would have an intelligent comeback about Monya-Sonya. I was right, and he asked why. "I said it was the '60s."  He laughed and asked if we had another sister named Tonya, and of course, I said, "Oh no, that would be too easy. Her name is Kris.
Today, he had a young resident with him, Dr. Deep, charming and incredibly young. Immediately, Dr. Lettieri announced he was not happy with the eye surgery. We will wait until all the swelling goes down, and then he will decide how to proceed with more surgery. My eyes started to open yesterday, dripping more than ever. He said it would get worse and wished he had been a little more aggressive with the bottom lid; it's drooping more than Dr. L wanted it to be.
Dr. Lettieri was pleased about my nerve cross graft he did in February; it is even better than he had expected. I plan to wait for eye surgery and have him do that simultaneously with the nerve surgery. I didn't mention that to him today; I will see him again soon.
Heather took out the rest of the stitches in my eye while Dr. Deep and Dr. Lettieri talked doctor talk-way over my head.
Today was good news about the nerve but surprising news about my eye. I could tell he was disappointed. I told him, "It's OK," and he said, "Not for me."  I assumed he was being hard on himself because he's a perfectionist. He said, "No, that has nothing to do with it. I just want you to have it working at the best it can, and I know it won't, so I want to fix it." He continued telling me I would have more drainage than I had before if I didn't take care of it.
Many people have questioned my choices; guess what? That's OK. I realize you are not living my life. You are not the one who has to kneel and ask what to do. I feel entirely comfortable with the decisions I have made. Many have given me natural path choices and questioned my choice to go medicinal; it's OK, too. Everyone has a different thought process; these choices were made by relying on the Lord to answer me and lead me to the right places. I only doubted a decision when I went to Cleveland Clinic. I felt rushed to make an answer, and Dr. Lettieri was out of the country when this all happened a year ago. We made a fast reactive choice, based on the fact we were told with a nerve we only had a small gateway--because I didn't know a "small" gateway didn't mean I needed it taken care of within a week or two. I could have waited for Dr. Lettieri. I don't look at things that way; my mind doesn't process them that way. If I hadn't gone to Cleveland Clinic, I would not appreciate and love Dr. Lettieri like I do; I wouldn't appreciate Mayo Clinic like I do. So, to those skeptics who like to give me their opinions, I will not apologize for following my heart, listening to the spirit, and doing what we thought was best at the time.

Surgery With Dr. Sal Lettieri

 

THURSDAY, JULY 2, 2015

Surgery with Dr. Sal Lettieri

Eric and I waiting to be called back--we are now frequent
flyers here at Mayo--I think I should have a punch card with some
a great reward after X number of surgeries. When the registration
the nurse knows you by name, and nurses remember you by name
It's a sign you've overstayed your welcome.

June 24, 4:45 am, on our way to Mayo Clinic. I talked Eric's ear off trying to keep from taking any anxiety medication--hey, who knew....it worked? While entering the Clinic, I refused to look to the left; I intentionally jabbered to Eric about positive experiences with Dr.Lettieri I wanted----NO, I needed to keep my head in a good place for at least a few more minutes while we registered.
Just over a year ago was a dreaded day. I'd been discharged from this same hospital with a disfigured face. Hearing a doctor tell me, "You need to get used to the new Monya; your face will never be the same" If I were to look to the left, I would have a vivid remembrance of being wheeled out in a wheelchair and while waiting for Eric to bring the car around I watched a woman fall to the ground have a massive heart attack. I listened as "code blue" echoed through the corridor. I watched as healthcare professionals did all they could to revive her life. They were unsuccessful, and I felt nothing but jealousy. I wouldn't necessarily say this was the lowest point of my life, but it ranked in the top 5.
I've seen and felt tragedy, separation anxiety, depression, heartache, enormous unexplainable pain, loss of hearing, sight, smell, breasts, and all my hair. I've had a temporary loss of feeling in my hands and feet. I still look back at all of this and know the positive outweighs the negative. I'd do it all again, feel every ache and pain to know what I know now. What I know to be true is there is life after this earth; it is beautiful and peaceful; there is no pain, hurt, or jealousy. It is like no other place you have been here on earth. I want to go there again; I will accept and take on all that happens to me here on earth to have that feeling for eternity.
After being registered, Eric and I headed up to the 2nd floor for surgery. When I got into the elevator
I couldn't help but look at that spot; it was empty, too early in the morning for visitors. The rush of reality came flashing back to that day a year ago. Eric asked if I was OK, and I responded, "Yeah, sure, I'm good." After checking in with surgery, they took me right back. Dr. Lettieri is on time. After vitals, question after question about allergies, and when was the last time I ate or drank anything, I started to dose off. My thought was, "Read my chart. Can't you see how many times I've answered these questions? This is not my 1st rodeo" I saw Dr. Magtibay walks by and into the patient's room across the hall; I suddenly sat up and wanted to talk to him. The nurse continued with her questions, but I kept asking her to ask Dr. Magtibay to come to see me when he was done...she was looking at me like really? I told her I would answer all her questions; you could start my IV quickly if she promised to get Dr. Magtibay. This time the IV only took a one-time poke; that's new. It usually takes several digs to obtain a different, more efficient RN to poke me.
Soon Eric returned, and just after that came Dr. Magtibay; I just love him. He hugged me and wanted to know about my surgery. I asked about his children and wife, then Dr. Lettieri came in. I didn't have to introduce them. They knew each other. Dr. Magtibay excused himself, turned, smiled, and wished me blessings on a great outcome.

ready to go, Dr. Lettieri took this picture so I could see
the difference in my smile

Dr. Lettieri smiled at me, and when I smiled back.....he said, "Do that again." Not knowing what the heck he was doing, I said, "Why?" he said, "Quit being difficult, just do that again, that thing you just did with your face" I shook my head and said with a big smile "This?" he smiled big, he said, "Where's Heather?" "I haven't seen her yet" Dr. Lettieri went out to find her, but she was walking in at the same time. "Do that again for Heather" I smiled as best I could. They both, in unison, said, "It's working" Dr. Lettieri asked me to do that same thing repeatedly. His surgery in February with the cross nerve was starting to show. By their responses, I could tell this was good news; he was happy. Heather has been with me since my 1st diagnosis with breast cancer, and we have become great friends. I can honestly say she has been faithful to the end. She watched as I suffered through chemo, radiation, expansions numerous surgeries she has assisted me with. She was there last year when I was rushed to the hospital in horrible pain, curled up in a fetal position, losing all control of my bodily functions. She stayed with my sisters and helped them to understand what was happening to me. I love her like a sister; I really, really love her. She was happy for me, genuinely happy for this bit of HOPE I was finally feeling.

Dr. Lettieri, Me, and Heather
I love them both.

After Dr. Lettieri gave his pre-op assessments on me, he walked out, and I yelled, "I love you" he answered, "I love you too" I was rolled into the OR and off to my Happy Place in Paris. I seriously don't remember a lot about recovery. I only remember saying I needed to go to the bathroom. In the past, I have not been able to have outpatient surgery because either the surgery required me to be observed for more than a few days or my bladder didn't work. After all, I was under anesthetic for so long. The recovery nurse helped me into the bathroom; when she went to shut the door, I said, "No, don't shut the door" "Honey, don't you want some privacy?" "Heck no, I want you to hear the stream of pee hit the toilet, and all those people in recovery are on drugs they won't remember,"  "She laughed. I immediately pee'd....it was long and loud, and I was proud--she said, "You didn't take any time at all" She helped me back to bed, and I slept for three days. Some funny things happened; that night, Eric woke up, and I wasn't in bed, so he went looking for me, 1st the bathroom, then he went downstairs, no Monya. He said he walked upstairs again to check the bedrooms, but I was asleep in the hall closet. He got a picture of it, but I'm not posting it. The following day I went to the bathroom; Eric said, "A man is coming to fix our cable in the bedroom" I told him OK, but I needed to lay in the bed if that was OK with him. The doorbell rang, and Eric brought the man into our room. I could hear him and Eric talking. I was throwing up on the ground with my head in the toilet. Eric came in and said, "Are you OK? The guy will be done soon"  I don't remember any answer; I just remember continuing to throw up. I fell asleep sitting on the floor in front of the toilet with my head on the seat. He got a laugh out of that one, and no, I'm not posting the pictures. I'm glad to be home but I never want to fall asleep on a toilet seat again.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Dr. Sal Lettieri Eye Surgery

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 2015

Dr. Sal Lettieri's Eye Surgery

Tomorrow morning, I will enter Mayo Clinic Hospital for my 26th surgery. I'm having a lot of anxiety about this upcoming operation. I forced it so far into the back of my head, knowing we were going on a family vacation; suddenly, it hit me on the plane ride home. I'm not sure if it's because I realize what recovery will be like or if I am just so done with all this silly nonsense--it's like Groundhog Day, repeatedly.

I cannot wear my cochlear device. It is an excruciatingly painful ringing in my head and gives me terrible migraines and dizziness. However, I've lost most of my hearing in the left ear (the good one). I can't hear my alarm go off in the morning (usually, I can listen to that thing rings throughout my home's walls). I can't hear music, people talking, everyday things I have taken for granted. Although it is annoying, I will have to wait until after this surgery tomorrow with Dr. Lettieri. Hopefully, he will be taking the gold weight out of my eyelid placed in at the Cleveland Clinic (wrong size) and being upgraded to Platinum--I like to consider it an upgrade--GOLD to PLATINUM--, and I think I will save the Gold Weight--let's just see what Dr. Lettieri thinks about that......I paid for it, so why not take it home? That's the easy part; the more in-depth portion of the eye surgery is to fix the chronic dry eye--I didn't want to know the details about how that is done; Dr. Lettieri likes me to be informed of procedures--I frankly don't care or understand all that doctor jargon, so I told him "I trust you, just do it" I love and do trust him, I am in good hands tomorrow. Heather will be scrubbing in, too.... bonus for me; I love that girl.

Time to get to bed now. I have 5 hours before it's time to check in.

Happy Acts 365 Days

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 21, 2015

Happy Acts 365 days

I pushed myself today, but I've never felt more gratified. 365 days ago, when I learned about the International Day of Happiness--I was incredibly touched in a spiritually humble way. I made a choice that day; I was going to do 365 days of Happy Acts and see if it would change my life in any way at all. I began by writing everything I did in a private calendar. Then I got a planner and made it an intentional goal for my personal growth. I had to be intentional with my thoughts but not with my act of kindness. I let those come naturally but looked for ways to help another person.

After 6 weeks of doing it daily, I was put into the hospital for 3 weeks. Still, I could follow through with those acts; they were on my mind constantly. I became obsessed with overcoming obstacles and achieving this goal. After 2 Weeks at Mayo Clinic, I devised ways to help nurses or doctors- sometimes just by thanking them for using their name and sincerely getting to know them. Smiles, special notes, and gratitude were my best friends. I handed out Live Happy Magazines to everyone I could. Then I went to Cleveland Clinic for 7 weeks. This time I went prepared, not knowing what the circumstances would be--, I could still give thanks and share Happiness. In the past year, I was blessed with 8 surgeries to help save my life. What better way to say thank you? These people loved, cared, and helped me through some tough times...Diana Lents, I will forever be grateful that Angel and John gave me #HappyActs. Evgenya and Alex Kreymerman visiting me and showing #HappyActs was a huge surprise but so much needed when I had no family with me.

March 20, 2014--- From this day forward, I will give at least one act of kindness daily, and I promise to do this for 365 days.

Today March 20, 2015---✔ I did it...
I can't even explain the overwhelming feeling of such an achievement and what it did to change me from the inside out. I am a different person now than I was a year ago. I'm not talking about facial paralysis; I made this goal before that happened. My motivation behind this goal was to see how many people I could touch. The Lord had a different reason in mind when he led me down this path. He wanted me to see how achieving this goal would change and help me.

THESE  people give unselfishly every day as they
work at Mayo Hospital--5 and a half years with them
I'm grateful BOSA DONUTS FOR EVERYONE

You know, if you read my blog, I like to visit the chemo lab
and always take Holiday Treats for them to enjoy during
March and April before Easter...lots of tears today

Today as I drove the long freeway to Mayo Clinic, I pulled over to the side of the road, cried some tears of joy, and said a prayer of thanks for helping me achieve this incredible goal. I actually start plans and give up, but not this time. It was certainly not for glory or to boast in any way. I wish I could post every act of kindness I did; however, for a couple reasons, I will not:
1. HIPAA laws and the privacy of some acts that are too sacred to share.
2. Heavenly Father and I may be the only ones who will ever know the change these people made in my life.

Ultimately, trying to change one life at a time will help others to feel what I've felt this year. These people have made an indent in my heart that will never be removed. Most of these people will never know the difference they've made in my life--some of them are my hero's as I watched them struggle with different trials. I was placed in some places at the right time for a reason--I am so eternally grateful for those times-- This year, I found out how strong I am, who I am, what I can achieve, and most importantly, that because I intentionally found these people, I was then able to find myself,  I like what I saw--for the 1st time in my life nothing can hold me back from being BRAVE--I've let it define me. Today I realized while I was having that tender moment on the side of the road, I'm OK with myself. I'm no longer afraid to open the door to a me I've never seen before, and I know on those days when the walls seem too high to climb, Heaven is on my side. I'm ready to let nothing hold me back from what I feel inside of me-- I will be forever grateful to Jeff Olson for going before the United Nations and officially making March 20 the International Day of Happiness. I had the opportunity to meet Kym Yancey,  CEO of Live Happy Magazine. He is a wonderful man with a love for his family and spreading Happiness--I will never forget my interview with him. Good people attract good people--don't we all want good people in our lives?
Happiness is part of who I am now; I look forward to inviting more blessings into my life and giving others--365 days of Happiness.

I bought a couple extra Happy Tees to give out to random
people.

Two of my grandsons bought them Oreos and Kool-Aid
something their mom doesn't believe them. good thing for
grandmas to bring a treat every once in a while
instead of apples and bananas #HappyActs

One of the Happiness Walls from today--love when parents
participate and encourage their children. What a great
Dad--no hesitation at all.

I decided to go to a gas station in an area
where I knew people struggled financially. I sat and waited
I felt it with my heart; she was the one....sure enough,
zero gas and only $10 to her name. I filled her tank...
she was so happy, and the gas attendants didn't
understand...LOL 

How cute are these sisters? They will fill the
buckets of others who need it with their love.

Another mom showing her children the value of
Happiness and sharing in their lives

These are elementary school kids; no one helped them
come up with these ways to share Happiness.
Another tearful moment

Some of the cute notes from one of the boards the
children wrote on

I love these happy people for coming graciously into
my life a year ago. I love them

For the anniversary of this day, I intentionally made plans. The two walls of Happiness were more fulfilling than I thought. With the help of Carrie and Lindsay, we set up 2 walls at elementary schools. What a complete gratification to see every student want to participate, to watch parents get out of their car instead of dropping their children off and walking them to our wall. I was so impressed by these sweet children and parents--if our next generation could share love every day in some small way, we would be raising a new age of grateful children.

ONE DIFFICULT YEAR--TODAY MADE IT ALL WORTH IT...This was such a rewarding,  fantastic day. Thank you, Danny Jones, Elizabeth Decker, and Shelli Richardson, for never giving up on me.

Begging VS. Believing

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 30, 2015

Begging vs. Believing

When Haleigh was about 13 years old, she asked Eric, "Dad, when I get my driver's license will you buy me a car?"  Eric said, "Yes, we will have a car for you to drive" I remember this because I told Eric, "I wish you wouldn't have promised her a car; we will have to hear about it for 3 years now. What if our situation changes and you can't keep your promise?"  Eric looked at me and said, "I always keep my promises" I dreaded having to listen to Haleigh constantly ask about that car. To my surprise, she never asked again; she talked about how happy she was about the prospect of her driver's license and freedom, but she never asked about the car again.

I have often thought about that. Eric was so confident he could provide a car for her to drive that he felt comfortable making a promise. She believed him; he had never lied to her before. I know Eric well enough to know if Haleigh had continued to bug him about the car for the next 3 years, he would have been hurt or annoyed. The hurt may have come from her not trusting his word. 

I have often asked in Faith for the Lord to heal me. He heard me for the first time and knew the answer before I asked it. The first time he listened to my prayer, the miracle was in motion. He never said it would be easy or quick. What I thought was my question was me begging. He thinks, "Why is she asking me this again? I already answered her. Does she not believe me?"

Lazarus was dead for days when Jesus thanked Heavenly Father for bringing him to life before it happened. My mind tells me some things are impossible. I need to have more Faith and thank Heavenly Father for the answers before they come. Having Faith means I cannot see the answer, but He will provide the solution. The Heavenly Father already knows, and he has given his word. He must feel bad when I beg and plead with him.

 I've been getting all my initial pre-operative work done this week. Did I mention I'm having surgery on February 6? This will be my 23rd surgery in less than 5 years. A huge part of me wants to thoroughly check it out. I'm so done with hospitals, surgery, and doctors. The other side says, "It's not your time yet. I can do all things through Christ."

Trying to find a vein today, the RN asked me, "Do they usually have a hard time finding your veins?" I smiled and politely replied, "Yes, they usually do" She was frustrated, and after the sixth poke, she said, "I'm going to try one more time. If I can't get a drawback, I will get someone to help me" She finally had to take the blood out of the upper part of my arm just below my elbow. Painful? Yes, it was, but I was calm. Before she rolled me into the CT scan, I asked if she would shut my right eyelid. She did; what a job, was my thought. When the contrast entered my body, a sudden warmth penetrated every cell. It was a strange sensation; my fingers tingled, I needed to pee, and my ears burned. This was all done at the Maricopa County Hospital. Dr. Lettieri is employed by the Mayo Clinic in Rochester but does facial trauma surgery at Mayo Clinic and Maricopa. More about him later; I am again blessed with an incredible surgeon.

I left Maricopa Hospital and went to the Mayo Clinic Hospital to finish the rest of my pre-operative work. Time to collapse some more veins. I dreaded going into the blood lab, knowing they would have difficulty finding a vein. After another 7 or 8 pokes, she finally got a smaller needle, which I had asked her to do in the beginning ... No one believed me. She finally found a working vein on the side of my left hand close to my wrist...painful? Umm ... Yes, but grateful she found one. She had tears in her eyes. I told her it was ok, and she said it looked like I had been poked earlier. I told her she said she couldn't believe how calm I was. I left there, sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel, and cried just a little.

I must believe the Lord is on my side; he knows what is best for me. Put it in his hands and let it go. Today, I will thank him for the healing coming my way.