Empty Nose Syndrome

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2013

Empty Nose Syndrome 

September 24, 2013
A year ago, I was hit with a hammer in the head (not literally) doctors found things in my body, too many things and I was not ready to deal with them. I had surgery on my nose to fix the broken septum. I was told the septum broke because of chemo. However, I have had issues with my right nostril since I broke my nose at age fourteen. I think if anything, all chemo did was finally crush it in. I said no to a biopsy, no regrets. I said no to the ear surgery with the BAJA implant, no regrets.  I asked my family to respectfully give me the time I needed. Well, the time has come.

I was encouraged when I saw Dr. Barr's told me my ear looked better. Not as swollen and red, the carcinoma is still in tack.  He asked me questions about proceeding with the Cochlear BAJA procedure for people with SSD (single-sided deafness) While Eric and I were in Tahiti, my right ear started to drain nonstop and without going into too many details, the smell was disgusting. The draining and pain took me back to my childhood. I dealt with this daily for years. I was hesitant to see a new ENT.  Dr. Brian Borland had been my doctor since I was three. The last time I saw him was when I was twenty-nine.

I was referred to Dr. Barr's by another doctor at Mayo Clinic. I love him; although he works in the ENT department, his official title is Otorhinolaryngology. He is one of twelve doctors in the United States who do what he does. I again am blessed not only with another great doctor but one who I can tell loves his patients and has been extremely helpful in explaining everything.

Since the last time I saw him, my eardrum broke again. Unfortunately, this will require more involved surgery.  I was waiting for the ear surgery until I was done with having dental surgery with Dr. Paul Kelly.  This will be my third surgery with him, and I will finish the dental implant.

My first appointment was with Anthony Mendez P.A. He takes care of all the nose issues for Dr. Barr's. He is very compassionate and kind. After some idle chit chat, he asked me some questions about my ear, then my nose. Then came the time--here we go--the moment he sticks 2 sprays in each nostril and then the throat.  To be quite honest it tastes like crap. It made me choke. I presented this young doctor with the question "Do you enjoy looking up at the noses of people all day?" He responded perfectly " I love my job" my reply made him laugh "Well, I guess it's better than other body cavities you could be looking at all day" This created a lot of laughs for him and me. While it was numbing, he showed me my x-ray--the septum is now in line the way it should be. However, to have that happen, the doctor had to take great skill in removing the entire turbinate from the right side of my nose then he said, "Let's just hope you don't have empty nose syndrome. That is an awful diagnosis" He could see the fear on my face and immediately started to backtrack, he said "No worries, it's nothing, let's take a look" 1st, he stuck the camera in my ear so I could see the left ear and the right ear--there it was on the big screen in front of my eyes. Wow, I thought it was a pinhole in my eardrum, Dr. Barr's could go in and fix it easily.  NO, my entire eardrum is blown out in a perfect circular form.  Now for the nose, he 1st looked in the left nose--looked good, no boogers, ha ha--then the right nostril--again, no embarrassing boogies--but an extreme difference from the left. I could see the carcinoma and the hole.  Anthony then gave me the diagnosis we did not want to hear. I have empty nose syndrome. I can hold one nostril closed and still have the air come out of the other, but the blockage feels like it is between my throat and nasal passage. Turbinates are important for the typical person, it sends messages to the brain when something is wrong in your sinus--mine is empty, so, therefore, I cannot control the continual drainage or dryness of my nose--there is no surgery--but he gave me a medication to try daily.

Now on to see Dr. Freeman, my favorite pain physician. He makes me laugh every time I see him. He will be injecting my right hip today and my lower back. My lower back has become a huge issue and has caused me to faint with pain or my knees to buckle up and give out on me because of the pain.

As I am waiting in the "complaining" room today, more typically known as the "waiting" room, all I hear is complaining patients. Today a lady walked up to the sweet receptionist and demanded someone take her back and show her where her Physical Therapy will be (starting in 2 weeks) "I need someone to show it to me NOW!" For some reason, she reminded me of Veruca Salt in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory "No daddy, I want it now" WHOA, lady, back it up and settle down a notch was my thought.  Sitting directly behind me, I could hear the couple arguing about why Mayo Clinic makes them fill out all these papers, none of the other doctors do that...blah blah blah....the lady behind them pipes in and says, "Oh, Mayo Clinic loves to give us all extra work to do while they take up our sweet time in this waiting room waiting for doctors to get back from lunch" I did have to laugh out loud about that statement, I have felt that before too, but I do understand the paperwork on pain related issues they need to know what level of pain you are experiencing now, not 3 months ago.
This woman was so sarcastic and rude to her daughter, who was trying to help her get the papers done as soon as possible. This woman was of no help to her at all--she said at one point, "Just mark all of them. My body hurts" the daughter being as patient as she could, said, "Mom, let's take this slow, is your pain constant but changes in intensity?"  She still continually belittled her daughter, which was frustrating for me. I closed my eyes and wondered who of my children would take care of me, or would they send me alone or with a caregiver? Have I been good enough and kind enough to them that they would want to help me?  Maybe this lady would feel different if she had no one to help her. I'd give anything to have a relationship with my mom. I remember all the prayers on my behalf, all the kind gifts left anonymously on my doorstep. I wonder if I have given more than I've taken. If so I need to work on that one. I hope I never treat anyone like that.

Next is me, as they call my name, I see Dr. Freeman in the hall and say, "Don't make me wait too long." He smiled and said, "Be with you soon." 

When he walked in, he asked me if I was writing in my journal I responded, "Yes, I always do when I come here, good things are happening in your waiting room, and I want to remember them," He said, "I hope you wrote that I am your favorite Doctor, so it's worth listening to all the complainers"  I showed him where I did just that, my 1t line was now I get to see my favorite pain specialists.  As he gave me the injections, I told him, "I don't like you anymore. This really hurts," He said, "But I will be your favorite in a few days, so I'm not worried"  I went off to recover until I was stable enough to walk and drove home.  That is the update more to come in the next few weeks.

What it feels like to have a Stroke

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2013

What it feels like to have a Stroke

When you hear of someone having a TIA, this is a mini-stroke:
A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is a "mini-stroke" from a temporary blockage. Although a TIA doesn't cause permanent brain damage, it may cause stroke warning signs, which may last minutes or even hours. Think of this as a warning sign you shouldn't ignore.

On Friday, July21st I got up and told Eric I was getting a migraine headache. I went to work at Us Airways, and the headache got more intense, and my speech was slurred. I was embarrassed to speak on the phone with passengers because it sounded like I was stuttering. I was trying to get the words out; I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but the brain and the mouth were not communicating with each other.  I take great pride in the fact that I have a very good record with Us Airways not calling in sick or never being late since the day I started. --To most people, it's no big deal, but for me, it's an accomplishment.  Well on this day, July 21st, my headache continued as I spoke with passengers, I took migraine medicine and nothing was working, I simply packed up all my things and left.  On my way home Kaitlyn called and wanted to know if I would like to go to a movie with her and Brian and Blake, I remember that my speech was slurred, but did not think it was as bad as my kids were making it sound.
I drove to the wrong place. By the time I got to where Kailtyn was the right side of my face was completely numb--Blake called Eric, and he told him to get me to the closest ER.  I said "no, I'm fine I just have a headache and need to lay down" Blake then drove me to my primary care doctor who immediately told Blake to get me to the ER asap.  I cannot explain how frustrating it is to want to communicate. Still, the words were not coming out--I was confused and disoriented--The ER doctor was really upsetting me because he was asking about my thyroid, and I was trying to explain it to him. But he kept on telling me I must be confused, that my thyroid was incapable of going from hyper to hypo or the other way around--he said it was physically impossible--NO IT IS NOT--especially if you have Hashimoto's-- I was diagnosed with it a year ago.  I was sent home that night and told to see my neurologist at Mayo asap. I did on the following Monday. I took the films from the ER, plus the films from my last MRI and the new one the doctor did at Mayo, and it was confirmed a TIA.  The stroke I had was an ischemic stroke caused by a blood clot.  A hemorrhagic stroke is caused by bleeding in the brain. Most people die from a hemorrhagic stroke.  Stroke is the 3rd leading cause of death behind heart disease and cancer. If you think someone has had a stroke have them, say a simple sentence for you, raise their hands above their head, and ask them to smile. Call 911 if they have a problem doing any of these.
I have a family history of strokes from my father's side of the family.  To be honest, I have had the right side of my face go numb so many times since my late 20s, but I never thought anything about it.  Since I've had cancer, I am alerted to everything that happens in my body, I'm not paranoid, but I do react when something does not go away.  
I now take medicine daily to help with the TIA's. I have had a couple since that day, but nothing serious.  I think the scariest part of all this, is me driving while this was all going on.  I also did not realize I had left an hour early from work, I have never done anything like that in my life, and did not realize I had done it until I returned to work a few days later--My manager, knowing what had happened to me was so great to just erase that little error from my file--I love working for US Airways they have always been really good with me.  
Although it was a scary event, I'm glad I had my family to help take care of me and had previously told them if any of these warnings happened no matter what I said, that they were to get me to the nearest 
ER--now I know that Mayo has a stroke unit, and if it happens again, I will be heading there.

Day 14 Taha's and Day 15 Moorea

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Day 14 Taha'a and Day 15 Moorea

Wednesday Day fourteen I woke up not feeling well, ate truly little breakfast again.  We all took the first ferry boat to the Island of TAHA"A.  We toured the entire Island took many memorable pictures--my stomach and head were aching, but I really didn't want to complain they were all having so much fun and after all this is a once in a lifetime journey for me, I want to enjoy it as much as I can.
Taha's was once the center for fire walking ceremonies, but today they are rare.

 

We didn't have a lot of time on this Island, these local Police officers

assisted us in finding a driver to take us up the mountain

some of the local scenery

the black pearl farm

this woman seriously impressed me, she chops coconuts all day

150 chopped coconuts are in this bag ready to go to the local industries for processing

this is the Island where Tahitian Vanilla is grown

They bud into a flower,then the pod appears the smell is heavenly

Our drivers home

There are three of these buildings in a row,
it is where our driver and his extended family have dinner

This is typical Eric--he loves the local imagery

Jesus, loved the coconut milk

Anthony, a quiet gentle man

Conchi and Maria, beautiful women

Our driver stopped by a local market where we could
pick up a cold drink and Eric came back with this beauty to share

Our group and the driver saying goodbye

The Paul Gauguin Private Moto was beautiful

I think I could sit here all day too

This was a motu filled with tropical spaces,
the cruise served us a traditional Polynesian lunch

A view from the motu to the Paul Gauguin

I went to the motu with our group, but seriously took a couple of pictures, turned around and went back to the ship on the next tender.  Eric stayed and really enjoyed the time on that private Island, I wish I could have spent more time there, but I was just not feeling well. We went back and slept until Eric got back at 5 or 6 and we got ready for dinner. I asked Eric if we could get off the ship tomorrow and go home--I know it is a couple of days early, but I just really want to go home, I miss my children and grand-kids too much.  This is too long to be away. He said "yes", but he had one more excursion he wanted to do on Moorea with the rest of our group.
Day 15 Moorea--My favorite Island of all of them--I stayed on the ship while Eric took the rest of them on a 4x4 ride up the mountain to the fruit farm and some other amazing areas we had not explored in the first five days we stayed there on the Island.  

I packed both my bag and Eric's bag, prepared with the crew to disembark when Eric arrived back. I didn't really get to say goodbye to Maria, Antonio, Jesus and Conchi--Eric and I were able to get off the ship safely to the peer, took the next ferry boat to Papeete, and made it on the next flight to LAX and then home.... Finally, home sweet home--I could not wait to see my kids & grandkids and share our experiences with them.

 

Bora Bora Day 9 & 10

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2013

Bora Bora Day 9 & 10

 Friday Day 9
Bora Bora is so commercialized. Most people who hear Bora Bora usually think it is the most beautiful of all the Islands, not me. It was nice but not the most beautiful, the most expensive and most commercialized. There are many celebrities who visit this Island, and this is the enticement--celebrities do not easily impress. This was just another Island to me.

Woke up, said a prayer that I would be able to enjoy the day, this is officially the longest we have ever been away from our children, and we have no communication with them at all.
We took the second tender into the Island and immediately Eric was talking to the local people, the ship charged $199 each for what we did and more for only $40 each.  We went in a 4x4 up a very steep mountain, they wanted us to see the canons from World War II, that were never shot off, the story was amazing. There were seven thousand men waiting on the top of this mountain, bunkering in waiting to be bombed, ready to shoot the cannons for defense of their land.  These men hid out for 7 years, I was astonished as the locals showed us the ditches, they hid in.  The bunker they kept the food in was still there, and I am not sure how they kept it cool and good enough for eating, they ate a lot off the land with all the fruits in season and fished for fresh fish--as many of them still do.

On this adventure we were joined by Maria and Antonio from Barcelona, and Jesus and Conchi on their honeymoon from the Canary Islands.  Jesus spoke little English, some French and they all spoke fluent Spanish.  Eric of course spoke all the languages at once--ha ha--one thing I can say about Eric is he tries so hard to understand and learn the culture and languages.  We spent the rest of the cruise with all these people, they were amazed at how much money they could save on excursions, and we loved the company.  For us the language was not a barrier, we tried to speak as much as we could in Spanish and they asked how to say everything in English.

Today is Friday and I cannot stop thinking about my children, Kaitlyn is off work, more than likely spending the day with Kayla and the boys.  Jeremy is now working in Prescott and is only able to come home on Friday's. He leavess Monday at 3 am to be at work on time--I worry about them, but the blessing is that Jeremy has a job. It may be difficult for Kayla, but she will manage, she is strong.

Eric and I had some good conversations on this trip, we are happy with all the decisions our children have made so far.  Being an empty nester has been extremely difficult for me; there is a time and a season for all things. I've learned that even at our age it is important to reevaluate decisions and goals. Satan works on the strongest and will take the weakest link in them to make it sound enticing and glorious--in this time of my life my goal is set on nothing less than the Celestial Kingdom--how do we do that? Serve others, even your spouse, encourage them in all they do and have done to help you, sharing the gospel with others, and living the attributes of Christ, this for me, is the only way to return and hear those words "well done thou good and faithful servant."

ONE OF THE LOCALS WHO TOOK US ON THE TOUR

THE OTHER TAHITIAN ON THE TOUR

ERIC AND I ON ONE OF THE CANNONS

ERIC IN THE LOOKOUT READY FOR FIRE

THE OTHER CANNON

THE BUNKER WHERE THEY KEPT FOOD

THE BEAUTIFUL OCEAN VIEWS

ERIC READY TO SWIM

ANOTHER VIEW OF ONE OF THE BAYS

This is a famous restaurant, celebrities come sign a $ and staple it to the wall

Today was an enjoyable day getting to know our new friends from other countries, we are looking forward to tomorrow with them.

Day 10 Saturday Bora Bora

I am excited to spend the day with Maria, Antonio who have been married for 40 years, they do not drink alcohol and are just fun to be around--they try too hard to learn English every day. I must admit I don't try as hard as they do--but we are able to communicate well--Jesus and Conchi are adorable and have invited us to stay with them in the Canary Islands, which happens to be a place Eric would love to go.  Jesus is in the supply chain management business with pharmaceuticals and can speak with people from different languages and backgrounds so communication with him was much easier but not perfect--it was funny at times because our translations are not the same and could even be considered offensive, so we were easy to explain those times to them as well as them to us.  We took a boat ride out to see mantras with 12-15 wing spans--don't even ask if I got in the water the answer was NO. 

There were lemon sharks and even some tiger sharks--Eric and the rest of them had a fun time while Maria and I visited on the boat and took pictures.  We were able to go around the entire Island, go to the motu and have lunch and then back to the ship to get ready for dinner.  The ship only had 186 people on it, including the crew, so most of the people wondered how the Americans, ended up being such close friends with the people from Barcelona and the Canary Islands--We laughed all night, in fact we were the last to leave the restaurant.

The beaches are beautiful

Dinner, Jesus, Antonio, Eric-Conchi, Maria and I

Eric and I at dinner

What a fantastic day in Bora Bora

Day 10 Saturday

We spent another day exploring the Island with our newfound friends--

There was a movie filmed here called "couples retreat."

This is what we saw all day.
I could post them all but that would get boring

Moorea Days 5,6 & 7

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2013

Moorea days 5, 6 & 7

Monday morning, woke up said my prayers no scriptures, I can't figure out how to read them on my phone--I like the books better--I like to mark them and return to read dates I have entered and remember what was happening in my life--I don't think you can do that on a phone--besides when Eric's dad passed away all the kids wanted his scriptures--so call me old fashioned but I'm stickin to the hard covers--ha ha--maybe a good excuse this time to not read on vacation--I thought I would be able to do it on my phone but after an hour I gave up--
Eric and I went to breakfast. There is no doubt I will be going on a crash diet when I get home, I have not eaten this much in 3 years.  I'm trying to eat all the fresh fruit possible, but it also has some aftereffects on my body.  I've decided there is most definitely a reason Tahitians are such large people--they eat, and they eat a lot.

Today we had no plans, we got our swimsuits on knowing we would be in water at some point. We then went to the activities center where we decided our activities for the day. The beach we wanted to go to is called Coco Beach and we soon found out it was closed today. So as Eric does what he does best, walking around talking to everyone, in whatever language he could, I sat in a lounge chair, hat on, listening to music and enjoying the scenery.  Soon Eric came back and said, "Monya come with me, hurry fast" my first thought was "oh boy, I'm in trouble when he is this excited it is usually something to scare me" I fear sharks, and snakes--good news there are no snakes on Tahiti Islands.  He had signed me up with a trainer to swim with a dolphin--seriously?  No WAY--I met with the trainer, and felt much better, it was a controlled environment, and these dolphins were raised in captivity, the only deciding factor for me was that I could see through the crystal-clear water and knew exactly what swimming around me would be. I was proud of myself, and I could see the smile on Eric's face as I entered the water with a dolphin, a real live dolphin. I played with him, touched him, swam with him, and even kissed him--it was incredible--I overcame an excessively big fear today.

Huge step in life for me---I never thought I had the courage

Isn't he cute?

Later we went to dinner at a small place called Snacks Mahala, I had fresh Maui Maui-I was not really impressed it was a little mushy for me.  Eric had fresh tuna with coconut milk & rice a traditional Tahitian meal, he said it was good, but honestly, I don't think Eric would ever say if it was bad. I did get a little sunburned today and I got a text from Dr. PK, he wanted to tell me in person, but didn't want to wait for someone else to tell me either--(Heather did) he got a couple of offers to work in North Carolina, he is leaving November 1st. My heart is broken, I will miss him, he will always be a part of my life, and I know he is doing what is best for his little family. I couldn't help but think about what a huge influence he has had in my life, helping not only get through my treatments with the Villain but in other ways I can never explain.  We will be forever friends no matter where he lives, he has a great family, we will just have to visit him and his family. I hope Heather goes with him, she needs a fresh start in her life, new surroundings, and her true love is waiting for her.

Tonight, when we got back to our bungalow to watch the sun go down, we were able to face time the kids and Eric's brother Kurt who served his mission in Tahiti.  It was fun sharing some of his memories, I've always had a special love for Kurt, he and his mom had a special bond.

Tuesday Day 6
Woke up to the beautiful sunrise and mesmerizing blue ocean, said my prayers, no scriptures but tried to read a little bit of the Miracle of Forgiveness online--still a chore for me.  Throughout the day, I pondered on the beauty of this place, how blessed I am to be here, not only because I work for the Airlines and it allows us to do these fun things together, but also to be alive, to be sharing memories my children will take with them when I am gone--this is why I write my journal and blog my thoughts--for them and my grand-kids and hopefully their grand kids.
Well today is going to be one that will go down in history--Eric signed us up for a boat ride to see the stingrays, I've done it once before with my children, didn't like it then and am not happy about it today. I know how much Eric loves the water and the sea life, so we went, I wanted him to have a wonderful experience.  I only like ocean water if I can see the bottom, I like to see what is lurking around my feet. Our tour guide today is Siki, he was born and raised here on this Island. He looks and talks like he is from Jamaica, we thoroughly enjoyed him and his humor. 

On this tour we had about twenty people on the boat, Siki was so good about explaining the history of the Island. When we arrived at the stingrays, Eric forgot to tell me there would also be sharks swimming around. There was NO WAY I was getting in that water. --Eric was one of the first to get in. I took a ton of pictures and he was having so much fun, but my heart was pounding because I knew he was going to encourage me with the help of Siki to enter the water and enjoy the moment--sure enough--they urged me inch my inch into the water--he took me by the hand, I was in shark infested waters--me, the one who swore "if I don't get in the ocean I won't get eaten" my entire body was in shock, I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. I wondered why I didn't get warned to bring some Xanex. I have had to train my mind over the past couple of years to tune out the bad and focus on the good, in every situation. 

BAD-sharks swimming & surrounding me, we're not talking about a few there were 100's 

GOOD- I did it and I'm alive.

I got comfortable with the stingrays, I rubbed a piece of fish on its nose, and it would just follow gracefully through the water following me, but being a mother, I wanted to kiss him and rub his neck at the same time--

FACT--they have no neck, their mouth is where my finger went and he sucked it hard, I screamed out loud, it hurt-it was my fault, but it was enough for me, I got back in the boat.  We all got back in the boat and went to a secluded beach where Siki taught us how to make ceviche, grilled maui maui, grilled chicken, rice, pineapple, and coconut.  It was another wonderful day of exploration and breaking through some fears.

Tonight, Eric shared something with me, he said his mother was like me, afraid of the water, she too always waited to see the bottom. I smiled, I loved this that he shared with me, if there were any woman in the world, I would gladly have anything in common with-it would-be Viola Williams--I love her.

Me and the stingray--who sucked my finger

black tip sharks everywhere--Supposedly not dangerous

Me and Siki--he was proud of me

 

Last Sunset in Moorea

 Wednesday day 7
Today we must be gone from our bungalow by four. I miss my children and grandchildren so much. This morning Eric and I took a kayak out to where the sharks and stingrays were, he wanted to get one more look. It was a peaceful ride both in harmony with our ores as we synchronized them to make sure we were heading in the right direction; at one point we got caught on some coral and Eric had to get out of the Kayak and lift us out to help us get going in the right direction.  As I thought about that later, it is so much like life, sometimes even our marriage we have gotten off the path we are supposed to be on both wanting the same goal but both getting there in a different direction. The Lord lifts us and helps us to get back on track, so many times HE has helped me get back on track, if there is one sure thing I know, it is that Heavenly Father loves every one of his children, it brings great sorrow to him to see his children struggle. We sometimes forget the straight and narrow way can never be done without the help of the spirit constantly in our lives.  There have been times I have felt "Oh I really blew it this time,  all my chances of getting back on track are gone, I need more patience, I need to be more kind, compassionate and just a little more like HIM" I am so grateful we have chances to change, even the best of people make mistakes and need a hand or prayer to help get them back on the straight and narrow way--I pray I can be that person for someone I love, as I have felt it in my life from others who have lifted me up and comforted me even when they knew I was not where I needed to be spiritually in my life.