Where was God?

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2012

Where was God?

As our country is mourning the loss of twenty kindergarten children who were so tragically gunned downed and killed in their classroom, the question has come up "Where was God?" One of the most ignorant things I think I have ever heard came out of the mouth of Bryan Fischer from the American Family Association:

"Where was God when all this went down? Here's the bottom line: God is not gonna go where he is not wanted school... We've kicked God out of our public school system, and I think God would say, "Hey, I'll be glad to protect your children, but you've gotta invite me back into your world first; I'm not gonna go where I'm not wanted, I'm a gentleman."

This quote broke my heart to hear. I. believe God has never left me behind during any tragedy I have been through, and he did not leave that school because a mad young man chose to take the lives of innocent children. We are here on earth to prove ourselves worthy of living with him again, we were all given agency to choose right from wrong when we came to this earth to live. If that agency were taken away every time a tragedy was about to happen, there would be no growth or learning on our part. There would be no progression. LIVE, LEARN, AND GROW

Yes, I believe in miracles, and they happen every day, and yes, I believe our Heavenly Father can prevent tragedies. More than likely, He has done this more times than we know. However, to comment that God is too much of a gentleman to prevent those children from being killed is ignorant.  God is not a proud man; he is meek and humble. Sadly, some Americans have decided to take God out of our school system, but those are just words removed from an allegiance we made as a country. No one can take God out of our hearts. We feel and know of his love for us, all his children, he will never leave us.  These should be taught in our homes, not in a school.

O-r-a-n-g-e

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2012

O-r-a-n-g-e

I never thought the word Orange would have an impact on me.  My
grandson, Recker, is autistic. Today is his third birthday. He is non-verbal-yet I enjoy every second I have with him. There Sometimes there are times he takes me by the hand, leads me into a room, and expects me to know what he wants. Sometimes I'm smart enough to figure out he wants a cookie or sucker (and of course, I give it to him)Shhh don't tell Kayla. Other times, I am clueless and feel helpless when I can't help him.

Kayla was able to enroll Recker in a preschool; he started a couple of weeks ago. The first day was rough on mom and Recker. Tears filled my eyes as she relived the moment. Tears, she dropped him off; the fear and terror on his face must have been difficult for her to leave him. Those couple of weeks have proven to be one of the most important decisions of her and Jeremy's life. Recker now knows how to point to what he needs. He brought an orange to Kayla, and she pointed to it and said the word "orange" then the most wonderful word I have ever heard out of a child's mouth came to the word "o r a n g e" we shouted for joy and cried all at the same time--he did it, he finally said his first word, and we got it on video.

Every day is a perfect day with Recker, but this day was even more special.

Learning how to rip open a gift

John Deere Trucks from Aunt Kaitlyn and Uncle Brian
all boy's dream

Dinner at Spinatos, Cannoli for the Birthday Boy

And what's a Cannoli without
Lightening McQueen?

Three years ago, when Recker was born. I never imagined what happiness this little guy could bring to my life. He makes me want to be a better wife, mother, and friend.  He is most definitely my motivation in life to take another step forward.

What is your love language, Viola

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2012

What is your Love Language? Viola.

Besides, one other time while I was going through my chemo treatments, I felt the spirit of Eric's mom as strongly as I did last night when I attended the Temple. My favorite woman of all time was sitting in the chair, smiling so big from ear to ear. She looked me in the eyes and nodded as if to say with those big blue eyes piercing my soul, "I love you; you will make the right decisions. I'm here for you" I looked back after slowly walking by, not wanting this moment to end, and she was gone. It was just another cute lady sitting there greeting people.

Dang it, I miss her. Without a doubt, when I pass through the veil to the other side (hopefully Heaven since I know that is where she is), Vi will be the first to embrace me, next to her eternal companion, my father-in-law Ray Williams--I love them so dearly and have often had to humble myself knowing I would never want to disappoint them.

I had another incredible spiritual experience last night as I attended the Temple, one which I will have to record in another journal that is not so public. I'm grateful for the knowledge that Families can live together forever, Eternity, together.

Another realization came this week when I had lunch with a friend. It was mentioned to me that we all "love differently" I have never thought about it the way it was so humbly explained. Each of us. We are taught to love as the Savior did unconditionally, right? There has only been one person in my life I have ever met who has been able to successfully do this, Viola Williams. I have never heard a sore word about another come out of her mouth. She was constantly serving others as the Savior did. In the end, she died of breast cancer. Leaving a legacy of complete understanding of our Saviors plan for her family to carry on. We all love differently. Think about the people around you, in your family, church, and workout groups; are they all the same? No, we all show our love differently; some are comfortable hugging and saying "I Love You" (that is me), some may care and love for you but not want to be touched or hugged, some show love by giving gifts, some by words of affirmation and appreciation, some want to hold on to their children and never let them experience the circle of life (this would be Eric)  At the end of the day when we all understand how we love it is so much easier to accept and truly love the ones around us, just as the Savior did. 

Christmas 2011

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2011

Christmas 2011

Is there anything better than children at Christmas? I have so enjoyed Recker this year. He has the cutest personality and a smile that will warm any heart. Recker has picked at our Christmas tree and decorations until they look scarce in some spots, and I love it. He brings a special spirit into our home.

Sometimes I wish I could just jump inside his little brain and see what he is thinking. Autism, though sad in many ways, can also be remarkably interesting. I've noticed that Recker is trying so hard to communicate with us; he knows a couple of words in sign. Kayla and Jeremy have taken him off gluten and dairy, which affects his moods and behavior. In my kitchen, I have a candy jar with gluten-free suckers. We often walk into the kitchen to find him staring up at the pot, signing the word "PLEASE" how cute he is. He loves to watch Disney movies, and sometimes Recker will start laughing so hard we can't help but repeatedly rewind to capture those moments. If there was only one wish I could have for this new year, it would be to hear my darling grandson talk, just say, mom or dad. Those are easy, right? I love to watch him as he plays alone. He babbles in a language only he understands. Recently I was playing with him in my bedroom and needed to go downstairs for something as soon as I walked out of the room, he ran after me and grabbed my hand a then brought me back into the bedroom, my eyes filled with tears, he is trying so hard to communicate.

Recker loves cardboard boxes and loves to play in them and on them. I bought him a cardboard castle, Haleigh Brownlee and I painted and decorated it (mostly Haleigh, she is the talented artist) Recker loved it; we also bought him a little motorcycle. He had a BIG smile on his face as it raced across the wood floors in my home. This has been a wonderful Christmas season with our family.

Dr. David Servan Schreiber Dies

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011

Dr. David Servan Schreiber Dies

Today I was searching on the Internet for some cancer information, trying to find another book written by Dr. David Servan Schreiber. He wrote ANTI-CANCER, a book I read shortly after getting out of radiation therapy research found that he had passed away in July 2011. Just a few months ago, my heart hurt when I read this. His book has helped me to give up sugars, flours, and preservatives for the past year and a half. I learned from him to live with NO REGRETS; this has been Eric and my theme for the past couple of years. He lived much longer than he should have because he changed his way of eating, exercising, and environmental thinking.
 This is the article I read about him:
Obituary: Dr. David Servan-Schreiber Empowered Cancer Patients

Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, awarded an honorary doctorate in humane letters at Carnegie Mellon’s commencement this past May, died of brain cancer on Sunday, July 24. He was 50.

Servan-Schreiber’s career spanned two continents as a professor and physician in Pittsburgh and Paris. After completing two medical degrees, Servan-Schreiber earned a Ph.D. in cognitive neuroscience at CMU under the guidance of Jay McClelland and Nobel Laureate Herbert Simon.

Servan-Schreiber’s distinguished career touched many Pittsburgh institutions, including senior leadership posts at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, where he co-founded the Center for Integrative Medicine, and academic appointments at the University of Pittsburgh and CMU. He published more than 90 scientific monographs and lectured at leading international educational centers.


One of the seven co-founders of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Doctors Without Borders U.S., Servan-Schreiber, served in Iraq, Guatemala, India, Tajikistan, and Kosovo, addressing epidemics among refugees. He served as a member of the organization’s board for nine years.


In 1992, at age 31, Servan-Schreiber discovered a tumor in his own brain while conducting brain-imaging research. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and given six months to live. Confronting his illness and marshaling his own will to live, he embarked upon a 16-year journey fighting and seeking to understand his condition, culminating in his 2008 international bestseller,” “Anticancer: A New Way of Life”” The book and his international lectures have empowered cancer patients and survivors with knowledge and tools to combat the disease.


Servan-Schreiber is the eldest son of the world-renowned Jean-Jacques Servan-Schreiber, the late politician, publisher, and co-founder of the French newspaper’Express. Jean-Jacques Servan-Schreiber was a distinguished lecturer at CMU during the years that his four sons, David, Franklin E’866, HSS’899), Emile S’855, HSS’899’ 911). Edouard S’888) were students at the university  Je n-Jacques Servan-Schreiber who worked closely with Raj Reddy, CMU’ss Mozah Bint Nasser University Professor, as founder and president of the World Center for Informatics and Human Resources.


The funeral will be held in Paris on Thursday, July 28.

After he was told in 2010 that another brain tumor had been found — he called it” “the Big On”” — Dr. Servan-Schreiber wrote the third book,” “We Can Tell Each Other Goodbye Several Times”” with Ursula Gauthier, a journalist  Ma y viewed it as a final testament.” “Death is part of the life process; everyone goes through it”” he said in one of his last interviews ““It is very reassuring in itself””

Happiness is a Choice

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2011

Happiness is a CHOICE

Have you ever heard someone say, "he/she just doesn't make me happy anymore"? I have recently. It's made me think about what makes people happy. I'm so happy when Recker smiles big with his teeth showing. I love that; I'm so glad when my house is clean or when my husband gets home from a grueling day at work but still finds time to come into the kitchen and hug me (I love hugs). I was overwhelmingly happy to see Blake after two years when he got home from the Dominican Republic. There are so many people and things that make me happy-for, sure, too many to name, but is it an accumulation of all those things that truly bring happiness? I have to say I have been disappointed by others and allowed other people's choices to affect my life negatively--what a shame and a waste of precious time.

True lasting happiness comes from within us. No one else can give that to you; like others, I had to learn the hard way. When I discovered breast cancer, it was like a huge maillot hit me. I finally had clarity. It was time to clean house, so to speak-- I needed to do some maintenance work on myself and find out what really matters, then get rid of the rest--  For me, my happiness now comes from a deeper place in my heart, I'm OK with the choices of other people, and although they can make me sad it does not affect my eternal happiness because I know who I am, I know where I came from. I know where I want to be. Seriously? It's taken me 48 years to figure this stuff out. I have never, ever said I was a good student. HaHa.

Oopsie Daisy

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2011

Oopsie Daisey.

I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks--oopsie, daisy. Honestly, my life has been incredibly busy. I am working four days a week now. Lots of flights are being canceled this time of year because of weather back East--when I talk to those stranded people, I feel bad for them--but grateful that I was born and raised in Arizona--I endure the summer heat for a few months so I can love, love, love the winters here. I also have been spending a bunch of time at the Mayo Clinic in physical therapy a couple times a week with Pauline. Tomorrow I will go to the Mayo Hospital directly after work to see Dr. Freeman. He will bring his syringe full of pain meds to be injected into my right hip and lower back. Can you say ouch? Hopefully, this will help with the pain and allow me to walk without a limp.
(the above was written yesterday)
 I drove to Mayo Clinic Hospital today, not really knowing what to expect. As I walked through the doors, chemo and hospital smell reeked. I sat in the waiting area across a man with an oxygen tank, he looked miserable, and things were about to get worse as he ran out of oxygen--his wife was yelling hysterically, and the nurses were scattering to get him a new tank. Poor Mr. Brown, I know his name because they repeatedly repeated it to get his attention. I thought he was going to die. Behind me, a woman was on the phone relaying a message to her family that someone had just passed away and they needed to get to the hospital. To the left of me is a lady having an anxiety attack; by now, my mind is thinking, "concentrate, Monya, don't pay attention to what is going on around you" I wanted to cover my ears with my hands and sing a song to drown out all that was going on around me. The phone rang. It was Eric checking in on me, boy, was I happy to hear his voice. Finally, they sent me up to the fifth-floor pain clinic. On the elevator, we made a couple of stops, the woman who had a death in the family was on the elevator with me. She was crying.

I wanted to hug her but felt like I needed to respect her boundaries. We stopped on the 2nd floor, and the Mayo Pastor got on the elevator. I noticed she was carrying a Bible and book labeled How to prepare for death. Whoa, today I'm getting a reality check. Mayo has a way of doing that to me. She only went up one floor, and I noticed she was on the patient's bed, visiting a family--I was sad about that. We continued to the fifth floor, the lady with the tears went left, and I went right--just like those people were gone, they have no idea what an impression they left on me, and I will never see them again.
I approached the pain clinic check-in, and they handed me a stack of papers. What else could they need from me? They know everything there
is to know. They've taken my boobs, hair, uterus, and hundreds of hours of my time. I will be waiting for an hour today. Instead of anxiety meds, I will read my scriptures while I wait. It worked. After an hour and a half of scripture study, they called me back for the procedure. I really like Dr. Freeman. The procedure was not as bad as I had anticipated, but let's face it, no one wants to be poked and prodded with needles. I decided as I sat in the recovery room that for today, just today, I am tired of PROCEDURES, NEEDLES, INJECTIONS, & MAYO. Even as I type that out, I feel guilty for feeling that way. I have so much to be grateful for. I am blessed to have Dr. Freeman on my team of doctors, especially when so many people are struggling today at Mayo.