Betty Passes Away

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 26, 2013

Betty Passes Away

Everyone knows of my love for Eric's mom Viola Williams. She was the single most influential person in my life. I loved everything about her. She lived a simple life but was one of the most loving and giving people I have ever met. Her family ALWAYS came first. Once when Eric and I were first engaged, she gave me some advice that has always stuck with me. She said if Eric ever came home from work and wanted me to take a ride with him, but I was hesitant because the house wasn't clean or there were still dishes in the sink. That I should not think twice about it. She told me to leave the dishes and go with my husband. Her exact words were, "The dishes will be there when you get home, but tomorrow your husband may not be, and you would have passed up an opportunity to make a cherished memory. That time together could be your last."  I've always remembered the day she told me this, where I was sitting, what she was wearing and the smile on her face as she gently reminded me of keeping family a priority.
After Vi passed away, Ray married Betty, a single woman from their ward with whom Vi was friends. This time of life was difficult for a few of the children, including Eric, not because Betty was not a great pick for Ray, but because of their memories of their mother and father.
Yesterday, Betty passed away. It's 3:55 am, and I've been up for hours, unable to sleep, cleaning my floors, dusting my furniture, and thinking of our memories with Betty (Grammy). Her personality was completely different than Viola's, but nonetheless, she loved Ray, and he was happy. Betty kept Ray alive for years, and that he would have passed much sooner than he did, she kept him in line and busy. I'm sure Vi and Ray greeted betty as she passed through the veil to the other side. 'm grateful for my knowledge of our Heavenly Father's eternal plan for Families to be together forever.
My youngest daughter Haleigh is getting married in two days. Last night her mother-in-law and father-in-law had a dinner party for close friends and family. Not only was the weather beautiful, but the words spoken by each person on behalf of Haleigh and Scott were beautiful. How is it that my youngest is old enough to be married? This has been an emotional couple of weeks. With Ezra in the hospital and now the passing of Betty, I am a little behind on the wedding plans--but I have faith it will all turn out and be a memorable night.
This week our plumbing in the kitchen went out, the freezer went on the blitz (that was a mess), it smelled like Jeffrey Daumer had been hiding things in our freezer, and guess who got to clean it all out?
There is something I am pleased about. This is the best I have physically felt in a few years. I will see my oncologist in two weeks with a couple of days of tests first, then our little visit. I'm assuming with how I am feeling right now that all will be a good outcome.

Life Moves So Fast

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2013

Life Moves So Fast

Poor baby Ez

Just when life is moving as it should, reality hits me hard and brings me back to where I need to be, a good place in my heart. Our beautiful baby Ezra joined our family and was struck with severe RSV. He was put in the hospital, and Kayla had to stay with him 24/7. Jeremy was there as much as he could be but also had to work. I had the privilege of taking care of Recker. Our 3-year-old autistic grandson is non-verbal, but boy, can he make some noise. He, too, has not been feeling well. I took him to the doctor, and he had an ear infection, sinus infection, and croup.
My love for Kayla, the mother, has become more endearing as I have now seen 24/7 for a week what she deals with daily. Although Recker spends a lot of time at our house, it is an entirely different story when you watch him nonstop for that long.
While at the doctor's office, he went through every drawer and cabinet he could get his hands on, climbed under the desk, picked up the phone, played with the computer system, and twirled on the doctor's chair. It was all fun until .... the pediatrician came in to visit our little guy. He had a complete meltdown when the doctor looked in his ears, then came the news he needed a steroid shot in the arm. I thought to myself, "oh boy, he is not going to like this" HE DIDN'T. He screamed and threw his body around like a rag doll. Tears filled my eyes as he looked at me as if to say, "why, why are you allowing her to do this to me?"  I tried so hard to get him to settle down, I sang him a song, tried to rock him, and soothe him with calming words, but it just worsened. I thought I should calm him before I walked back through the waiting area. That idea was not going to happen, so I quickly made a dash for the door and out to the car, all the while he was out of control. I sat him down to open my car door, and he started to projectile vomit every were including on me. It looked like an alien shooting out of his mouth. Oh my gosh, I felt so bad for him. All I could do was hold him and love him. Kayla has told me about these meltdowns, but I have never seen him work himself up so severely that he vomits. By the time I got his medicine at WALGREENS and made it home, he had calmed down and fallen asleep.
Kayla and Jeremy were missing him so badly. I felt terrible for them too. Luckily, they could see him at least once a day. I took Recker to our condo in Mexico for a few days, thinking maybe if he were not here in Arizona, it wouldn't be such a temptation for them to come to visit him. The reason I use the word temptation is because Recker has been sick, and I'm sure he gave whatever he had to Ezra. If Kayla and Jeremy were to transfer it back to Ezra, he would never get better.
I had a fun time with Recker in Mexico. This boy loves the outdoors, the ocean, the sand, the grassy areas, and especially the pool. From 9 am to 6 pm he was outside running and playing. One day he made a mad dash for the ocean; I was running after him, I watched him play in the water for over an hour, then decided it was time to go to the pool. Of course, Recker thought I was picking him up to take him inside, so he started to scream and try to scratch his way out of my arms. He is extremely strong; I could barely hold him up. Everyone was staring, my swimsuit top was down to my stomach, and my breasts were fully exposed. I had to either continue to the pool area or drop Recker. I continued, all the while saying to myself, "no big deal, my breasts have been exposed to complete strangers before. I can handle this" then the Mexican vendor yelled, "hey lady, want to buy some sunglasses?" I turned and looked at him and, with a scowl then replied, "Are you serious?"
I finally made it to the pool area, where I am pretty sure I gave an 80-year-old man a slight heart attack. I was so mortified I wanted to look at him and say, "What, you've never seen a 50-year-olds boobs exposed while carrying a 3-year-old screaming and scratching his way to freedom?"  Eric happened to be walking towards the pool, and with his hands in the air, as if to say, "what the heck are you doing?" he ran over to help me--save the day, however, just a little too late. I calmly sat down on the chair pulled up my swimsuit and laughed. What else could I do?
Although my swimsuit never came down again, I will say it took two of us to get Recker up to the condo after a long day of playing. He never, ever wanted to go inside.
We face-timed Kayla and Jeremy each night before Recker went to bed, and we could get an update on how Ezra was doing. It was hard; Ezra would be doing better than bad, and we never knew what each day would bring. He is home now and seems to be doing well. Recker has been on his antibiotic for over a week and is doing better also. Today, while they were visiting us, Recker had a complete meltdown when he had to come inside; Kayla was chasing him around the house while he was screaming and not letting her get to him; I heard her laughing, and it made me smile--at least she can laugh.
Any parent of an autistic child should be praised; autism is hard, and none of us quite understand what it is and why some children have it, but I do know our Heavenly Father knows, and he has a special place in Heaven for these special little angels.

Recker at the doctor's office

Ezra hooked up to the machines.

He looks sick

Ezra looks so tiny in that crib.

Ezra joins our Family

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6, 2013

Ezra joins our family

This is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog. Things have been crazy around the Williams home; so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel. He arrived on February 23, 2013, weighing nine pounds eight ounces and twenty-two inches long. I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again. There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born, I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad's spirit strong. On my way home I called and told Kayla what a wonderful experience it was to feel him right there with me again. I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray. He was an amazing man. We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I must brag about my oldest daughter for a minute. Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is. Never a peep out of her. In her mind, she thinks she is screaming, but we never hear a word from her. I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section, and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--the problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders, they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section. Kayla did awesome. Little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers to get this little guy out safely. After his head was out, the nurse stuck her hands in and turned him. The pain was excruciating, especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it. I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head. I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally, he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been a fantastic mother to Recker, and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

The doctor had to suction him out--poor little head.

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker gives their little brother his 1st kiss.

This is perfection at its finest. Our family has been highly blessed.

The Impossible

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2013

The Impossible

I'm not one to recommend movies, but I recommend THE IMPOSSIBLE, a film based on actual events from the Tsunami in the Indian Ocean in 2004. Eric and I went to see this last week, and I had no idea that going into this movie would have a profound impact on me. After seeing The Impossible, I decided my cancer journey was a cakewalk. It's interesting what we think we can handle and what we can handle.

Sometimes when my life is impossible to bear, I try to think about the people around me who are suffering tenfold more than I am. Perspectives change as I have learned to listen with my heart when patients talk to me about their journey with cancer, knowing their lives will end soon. I've learned that no matter what is happening in my life, someone always needs comfort, and They are put in my life at just the right time.

Some of the impossible things I thought I could never live through have become my sacred memories. Life is precious, it is supposed to be filled with fun, laughter, cake and ice cream, family, friends, and yes, the inevitable journey of life comes with hardships and trials--it's all part of the plan.

Move a Mountain

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2013

Move a Mountain

Sunday, my daughter Kaitlyn, and her husband Brian were asked to speak in church about FAITH. I was moved by their talks; Kaitlyn told of her respect and love for the FAITH her brother showed as he went out to serve a mission for the Lord in the Dominican Republic. She spoke of how he left behind so much as he journeyed out into the unknown. Relying entirely on the strength within himself and the Lord to help him through two years. When he left, he was twenty-one years old and had been struggling with some of his own demons and trials. Through those struggles, he was blessed with the ability to pull himself out of the hole he dug himself into by moving mountains with his Faith. She continued to explain to him the great blessings that would be his if he would obey and follow the gospel plan the Lord had set in motion for him.  

I know he was under the amount of worry and pain as he left our home. Still, I will never forget the look of pride when he walked into the MTC--There was a little bit of fear in both him and me. Oh, how my heart ached for him, yes, I knew Blake was worthy of being there, but that was not what put me in such anguish. Being his mother, I knew it would be the most rewarding thing he had ever accomplished and the most challenging two years of his life. The people he loved the most in the world would be facing some life-changing moments in their lives. He would not be attending his sister's wedding, the birth of our first grandchild, or the graduation of his youngest sister. But the most troubling part for me was what had I done to prepare him? I felt helpless. I, too, had to put all my Faith in the Lord and rely on him to protect and watch over my son, to lead him in direct passages that would eventually bring him home to us safe and worthy to stand as a witness. My eyes were constantly teary, wondering how he was doing, knowing he was worried about my diagnosis of cancer and that he could not be here to comfort me. He didn't know that I felt his loving arms around me on more than one or two occasions. He showed tremendous amounts of Faith while he served. I am still overwhelmed by some of the mission stories he has told me. He left unsure of the gospel, uncertain of his future, and insecure if he would ever see his mother again. Still, he came home with a perfect knowledge that the gospel is true, knowing that his future is bright if he continues to follow God's plan for him, and he came home to a mom that welcomed him with open arms and a huge heart. Kaitlyn is right, Blake is excellent, and I continue to thank Heavenly Father every day for the great man he has turned out to be--

Brian's talk was equally touching; as I listened to him speak, tears filled my eyes and eventually streamed down my cheeks. As I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth. These words were not ordinary. He was telling the story of my life without using my name. I was prepared to hear him speak about his grandfather, who undoubtedly taught Brian the principle of FAITH. Brian and Kaitlyn have talked about him several times with sweet regard to his knowledge of the gospel, and I know he has been a forcing influence in Brian and Kaitlyn's lives.
However, in this talk he gave about FAITH, he was telling the story of a young baby girl born into a broken family. parents who were battling one with another, her father who, because of drugs and alcohol, led him to the pathway to prison. When her mother was remarried, this new father's role in her life abused her physically, mentally, and sexually. Tears began to run down Brian's cheeks, and I could hear the lump in his throat as he tried to continue with the story. He talked about how this daughter of God had made promises to the Lord and stayed worthy and close to her Heavenly Father yet abuse and trials still are a big part of her life. When she was in her twenties, another test of Faith came when she faced the death of her younger brother, yet she continued to trust in the Lord and give her heart and soul to the church and others she served. As Brian was saying these words aloud, I was becoming increasingly agitated in my seat, the anxiety was starting to surface, and I was not sure I would be able to hide it from Eric. It was like watching your life flash before your eyes, but from a different perspective than what you actually lived. It sounded so easy as Brian described my life. Not necessarily easy was the life, but easy was the FAITH he told me as having. It has caused me to think the last few days, do I have that FAITH engraved in my soul? I certainly don't remember feeling as though I was showing great Faith; it felt more like survival mode I was in--negotiations were happening daily with the Lord--"get me out of this alive, and I will serve you, I promise." 
Brian continued with his talk, speaking of the cancer I was diagnosed with, I really had no idea that my cancer had been seen by anyone as a FAITH builder...I know I speak a lot about having HOPE and FAITH, but never realized those words have penetrated the souls of some of my family members.

In challenging times, it is so easy to give up and turn away from the very thing that can help us through the fiercest adversity of our lives. I know it is impossible to predict an end to our trials and problems of life, but I know I can promise this bit of HOPE if we have FAITH in Jesus Christ, the hard times, as well as the good times, can be a great blessing to us, this strength will give us FAITH to move a mountain.

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 2013

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

2nd annual Mayo Clinic Symposium was held at the Marriott just a mile from the Phoenix Campus of Mayo Clinic. I attended again this year. Seeing my team of doctors was good, and ready-to-present information was good.

Dr. Northfelt, my med/oncologist, and myself

Some of the information I learned from the meetings was new to me, and some I already knew, but this is the reason I like to attend these symposiums so that I can learn all I can about my disease and what the new techniques or statistics are.

I learned that 200,000 new cases per year are reported of breast cancer, and the side effects of radiation are some that I am still dealing with. 

Lymphedema ✓

Lung inflammation

Fatigue ✓

Depression and anxiety ✓

Chest wall and or breast tenderness ✓

Breast swelling ✓

Skin burning

I only have five of those seven side effects, so I feel blessed to not have to deal with lung inflammation or burning skin anymore.

I learned that Radical mastectomies no longer are performed and have not been performed on breast cancer patients since the 1970s. They no longer perform these because the surgical procedures have been incredibly advanced since then. In a radical mastectomy, they used to have to take everything, including the bone surrounding the area, this left women with horrible battle scars. I had a Bi-lateral mastectomy. Both breasts were removed with all the surrounding tissue but not bone. This allows the surgeons to reconstruct more efficiently, with much better results.

When someone has a lumpectomy, they only have a 1.9% of recurrence. a single
mastectomy 1.1% recurrence, and only 0/3% of cancer patients who have a lump in one breast will get another in the other breast--in Dr. Kreymerman, "they are sisters, not twins."
BRCA 1 or 2 mutation only has a 30% 10-year recurrence in the other breast.
Only 25% of breast cancer diagnoses are women under 80.

Some great things to come are:
Cancer Vaccines
the studying of tumor clones
DCIS vaccines
Her2 antibodies

One bit of information I thought was interesting, 15% of patients who go through the cancer process will get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. As you have been through a war, the fear and anxiety of the return of cancer or having to continue to deal with the side effects of cancer treatments can literally put one's body into traumatic stress.

With recurrent patients, 45% of women have treatable anxiety and depression within the 1st 3 months of 2nd diagnosis. This is a mountain to climb but more terrain to walk through.

Did you know

55% stress over financial problems during treatment
46% cut back on food to be able to pay their bills
6% lose their homes and have to relocate
50% are not comfortable talking about any of these symptoms, even to their doctors
50% of patients do not share all of what they are feeling or their fears with caregivers or family
history of abuse, physical, mental, or sexual, will increase the levels of anxiety and will not be
shared with doctors
most women post-treatment will have low sexual desire and vaginal dryness and feel embarrassed about asking or talking about it with their doctor.

I was not surprised that most women do not want to share many intimate details with their doctors but was reassured knowing I am one of them and it is normal.

I am still waiting to hear back from Mayo about my ultrasound and low white cell count--no news to report.

Faith Hill & Tim McGraw

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2013

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw

In August, I bought tickets to give to Eric for Christmas. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill 2nd row seats were incredible, worth every penny. We flew to Las Vegas (not my favorite place in the world) and stayed at a genuinely nice hotel, smoke-free, with no casino, and off the strip it was perfect.
Here are a few of the pictures from that night

Tim waiting for Faith to get on Stage--right before this he shook my hand
and tipped his hat to me--woot woot

2nd row

Favorite part--he gave this man his guitar. Tim said
"any man who wears a pink shirt to a country concert
deserves to have my guitar."

She is beautiful

Live like you were dying--brought tears to my eyes