Religious Hyjacking

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 31, 2014

Religious Hijacking

Religion has been hijacked....haha. But seriously, I was thinking about this a lot today.  So many people claim to be religious. To have compassion and love for everyone, no matter what their beliefs are, is what Jesus taught. He admonished all of us to care for one another in sickness, loneliness, and grief.
I don't ever remember it being said Jesus will only Atone for the sins of those who are Mormon, Catholic, or whatever religion others may fit into. He Atoned for ALL our sins, ALL the sins of the human race, not those who belong or have been baptized into a certain religious group of people. I can truly say, I love almost everyone I meet, it does not matter what their background or religious belief. A few weeks ago, a friend asked if she could give me a healing blessing for my ear and cancer issues, I was thrilled to have her anoint my face with her Turkish oil and put her hands on my head to bless me with healing. We spoke for a while after, and she and I agreed all prayers or blessings are according to not only our faith but also to what the Lord's will is. We both agree on this.

 I find that so many people hide behind their religious beliefs but forget to live what they believe. If we are all trying to live a little more like Jesus and gain attributes of Christ in our lives, I believe we should be supporting and loving one another as He did. There is this misconception about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In my opinion and from what I have seen, those people who have a pure heart and want to achieve the attributes of Christ do not worry about other religious beliefs they LIVE WHAT THEY BELIEVE, and it shows in their everyday lives. It is simply a part of who they are. It is sincere and pure.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again, no one will ever walk into an LDS church service from here to the other side of the world and hear them speak evil or badly of what other churches believe in or to stay away from them--it is quite the opposite. An invitation is given to ALL who want to know what we honestly believe and LIVE, with no pressure to get baptized. We just want people to understand why we believe like we do. We understand that not all are going to understand or choose to believe the books or the sermon they hear at Sunday worship. The bottom line for me is how you treat people and show your attributes of Christ in your everyday life. Those are the people I want to surround myself with. If you are a member of the LDS church or any other, just stand behind what you believe and LIVE it daily.

Giving service and showing compassion towards others means taking yourself off your throne and putting the other person on the throne, forgetting yourself, and falling into the arms of others.  I tried an experiment some time ago where I decided no matter what the circumstances, I would try to put myself in the other shoes, trying to understand why they were acting out, upset or angry. In every instance, it was controllable, and I never saw a reason for them taking it out on others, however, we are all made up of diverse ways of communication and need to be taught slowly, compassionately, and in a nonjudgmental way we are all Heavenly Father's children, and He loves us all the same.

Never take hearing for granted

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 2014

Never take hearing for granted

To the person who wanted to know how my phone got in the toilet?  It was in my back pocket just so you know I retrieved it before I sat down--no body fluids got on the phone, but it was still kind of gross to put my hand in the water, and may I also say I did it swiftly and without thinking--I guess this goes to show us how much we all care about our phones.

Dr. Barr's

I saw Dr. Barrs today at the Mayo Clinic, the more I visit him the more I admire and love him. I'm not sure how or why I am so blessed to have the team of doctors I have, but I really do have a great relationship with all of them.

Today he vacuumed out my ear, there was a lot of drainage. When I told him about the pain, I was feeling down the back side of my ear and down my neck, he took a look and said he could not see that far into my ear, he would have to take off the ear again to see why it is causing this pain. However, he did reassure me that the surgery I went through will probably take 6 months to completely heal from. I had only two questions for him.

Me: "OK I know this may seem weird to you, but I'm going to ask anyway, OK?"
Dr.: with a huge smile. I love his smile. "Yes, go ahead and ask."
Me:   lifting my hair back as if I were putting it in a ponytail "Do you see any difference in my two ears?"
Dr.: Again, with that smile, "Umm, yes, one sticks out more than the other"
Me: "Will it always be this way, because I like to work out with my hair up, and it is really obvious."
Dr.: "Your ear is still healing and is still swollen; however, I don't think there is enough bone to support your right ear the way you had it before surgery." (smile) "let me ask you, would you rather have a tumor in your ear and a normal looking ear? or would you rather have a chance to live and hear better out of your left ear? besides, you have a screw hanging out of the bone that is visible too. Who cares what your ear looks like when your hair is up, no one will even notice"
Me: "now wait just a darn minute, that's not fair" he smiles bigger this time with his eyes "what can I say to that?" We both laugh, and I say, "you are absolutely right"
Dr.: "what is your other question?"
Me: "did you know I have bald spots on my head?"
Dr.: no smile--more concerned "where are they let me see them."
Me: pulling back my hair on the left side, I show him the complete baldness in a 2-inch by 2-inch round
with very little hair covering it--then another one in the back of my head
Dr.: "I am so sorry, I wish I had a magic potion we could put on that to make it grow back"
Me: "It's OK, I've been bald before this is nothing"
Dr.: "good attitude it will grow back before you know it"

Now thinking back about this conversation I'm kind of embarrassed that I asked him about my ear sticking out, I'm sure he wishes he could speak louder, but is glad to be alive and enjoying life with his family.

One of the reasons I love Dr. Barrs so much, and we have connected easily, is he has had problems with his Trakia and Larynx, so he talks very quietly almost in a whisper--when we first met, he read my charts and said jokingly "you and I are a great team, I can't talk, and you can't hear" he is so great to talk directly to my face, so I can read his lips. He was very tender with me when I cried in his office about what I was feeling during those weeks of not being able to hear. His residents were in the room, and he asked them to make sure if they talked to me, they were looking straight at my face so I could try to read their lips. I respond better to doctors who can be serious when they need to, give it to me straight, and then joke and make light of things when it's necessary to just get my thick head to understand, hair grows back--"who cares, at least I'm Alive."

I will not be returning to work next week. Dr. Barrs decided I need one more week to try to get this infection under control. I am feeling much better and am ready to go back to work. Eric wants me to take it easy and do what the doc tells me to do. Tonight, I can't help but be overwhelmed with all the blessings I have received throughout my life.

I'm looking forward to 2014 with a strengthened heart and greater empathy for the deaf.  I would love to learn sign language--I will add that to my list of things to do.

Through this experience, I'm not sure what I was supposed to learn, and maybe my school of learning on this topic is not quite over yet, but I know what I have learned so far:

Never take hearing for granted
Listen to uplifting music-music that brings a smile to your face or a tear to your eye.
He sees the heart inside me and is the only one who knows the strength I have
Even if I can't hear, I can feel Him with me--every time I kneel down, he always answers.

Toilet Phone

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 2014

Toilet Phone

Tonight, I cannot sleep, it's 12:15, the house is quiet as all are asleep and I am lost in thought.  Last week I lost my phone to the toilet--I tried all the tricks--I heard putting it in rice would help, but not for me I left it there for 4 days and still no good. I missed a Mayo appointment, but other than that I don't think I missed much. It was nice not being responsible, but I admit I realized how much I have come to rely on that device.  Eric was more worried about it than I was because he likes to call me throughout the day and check to see how I am. We do not have a landline here at our home, so, unless I was with one of my children, he had no way of contacting me. So with that being said I now am the owner of a new phone, thank you, Eric.

I will be visiting Mayo Clinic with Dr. Barrs on Wednesday morning. I hope all is going well with the healing, I am supposed to go back to work on February 4th.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am looking forward to it. With the merger between USAirways and American, it is important I am there to keep up with the latest and get the training I need.

My right ear is draining quite a bit. I've been leaving the cotton ball out so it can dry out, this was Dr. Barr's suggestion, but I'm pretty sure it's getting infected. I can feel it in my right jaw, behind the ear, and down into my neck.  It aches constantly, but I refuse to take pain pills. I've tried some herbal remedies, but nothing will work like a good ole narcotic, and I really don't want to go through what I went through to get off of them while I was dealing with my chemo and radiation.

I've gotten some energy the past couple of weeks, I've been juicing all my veggies and fruits in the morning, and it has helped me not only get the nutrition I need but give me some energy to get out of the house. I went to church on Sunday and did not wear my mask--I have a hard time breathing in it, but I understand the risk also. I'm ready to get on with life, no mask, no medicine, no blogging about my broken heart every time another trial comes.  I don't think I can cry anymore, it's time for me to dry my eyes, wipe off all the tears, stand up, let the sunlight in, and start living again.

I will never take my ears or hearing for granted again--3 weeks of literally not being able to hear were overwhelming to me, the only thing that helped me through it was reading, I read the entire book of Preach my Gospel, with special attention to reading chapter 6 on the attributes of Christ. What I learned from this experience is that I was lifted up and helped through those agonizing weeks.  I have nothing to complain about; when I see the Lord someday, I want to be able to say to him "Thank you, thank you for being my friend during those 3 weeks, for you were the only one I KNEW understood what I was feeling and all the fears I had" I will glory in his name all the days of my life, but also I am thankful he allowed my hearing to return in that left ear, the day it popped, and I could hear again was amazing--the birds seemed to chirp louder than I had ever heard, the phone rang more than I wanted, but the thing I loved the most was hearing music again, Sunday I could hardly get through the music, and continually watched Stephen Phelps play his testimony through his music, magically this man can calm my heart with his incredible way of putting my life in perspective, music is my way of communicating to my own heart what I am feeling. Thank you, Eric, for bringing a sense of humor to the situation.  I sometimes forget to just laugh at myself, if my story was written I really think it would be hard for some to believe, and maybe even I would laugh--but with It's time for me to try and sleep and to leave with this final thought for my children and family:

“Life is an opportunity; benefit from it.
Life is beautiful. Admire it.
Life is a dream. Realize it.
Life is a challenge. Meet it.
Life is a duty. Complete it.
Life is a game. Play it.
Life is a promise. Fulfill it.
Life is sorrowful. Overcome it.
Life is a song. Sing it.
Life is a struggle. Accept it.
Life is a tragedy. Confront it.
Life is an adventure. Dare it.
Life is life, Fight for it.”

~ Mother Teresa

Cowboy Recker at Angel Acres

 

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2014

Cowboy Recker at Angel Acres

I will forever be grateful to this pretty lady Heidi. I met her Saturday; she is the reason Recker is attending Angel Acres Horse Therapy in Queen Creek. I love her for responding to one of the blogs I posted about Recker. I love her for her sweet smile and encouraging words.

To Heidi, I want to say this, I was moved in several different ways when I met you on Saturday. My heart was pounding when you approached me; I was unsure what to expect. Lately, I have been criticized for MY WAY of blogging. There have been many times I have wondered if keeping my blog open to the public is what I want to do, and I considered going private so that only my family would have access to it. If Heidi had not read my blog, I doubt Recker would have the time of his life riding horses every Saturday. From Kayla and Jeremy, they say thank you also. We will keep Recker at Angel Acres for as long as Marty continues to amaze us with her love and generosity to these children. 

 Heidi has been following my blog for several years. The things she shared with me on Saturday about my blog and the inspiration she has gotten filled my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear--I know the Lord intervened --as I have said many times, and I know many of you do not agree with my way of doing things, and that's OK, but this is MY JOURNEY, whether I write about the good times or the bad, I will not be going private anytime soon. I respectfully ask you not to read my blog or send me your harmful and hurtful emails. I am certainly not a professional writer; this is just my life. I want my children and grandchildren to know my world, my life, my understanding and perspective, all the beautiful things it can offer, and the people they can touch with words of encouragement. Life is always going to have difficulties, mountains, and boulders to climb; for EVERYONE, we were meant to come to this earth and experience those, whether they be health issues, family struggles, financial, etc.....they can and do touch lives, none of us are perfect, and I am the 1st to say this about myself. 5 years ago, I would have never shared any part of my past life; now, I choose to share; you may not, and that is perfectly OK, but please do not hurt me while you are experiencing YOUR JOURNEY. 

 While I am talking about this subject, and I hope this is the last time I have to before I start blocking people-- I have kept so much to myself for so many years. This blog has allowed me to heal and find peace in my life. Three years ago, I received emails from 3 different women who were struggling with Breast Cancer; searching the web and finding my blog, they each asked me, "how do you have so much faith?" They all wanted to know more about how I chose to worship. I sent the missionaries from the LDS church to these women's homes so they could learn more about what I believe and know to be true.  

One woman was from Oklahoma, one from South Carolina, and the other from New Jersey. I contacted the missionaries from the LDS church in their areas, and they all allowed the apostles into their homes to answer questions about the LDS religion. I still am in contact with 2 of the women. The woman from New Jersey was baptized along with her entire family and, a year later, went to the Temple to be sealed together for time and eternity. I recently received an email from her saying she was called to be the Relief Society President in her ward. Her husband is serving in the bishopric; her daughter is active in Seminary and will be graduating and going on a mission at the end of the year. Her son is on his mission now. So, the other women didn't get baptized; I love them for allowing me the opportunity to open up my circle of friendships and learn more about what they believe in--I love hearing from people. I can't even count the many times I have had wonderful people of other religious beliefs ask if they can pray for me or have even given me blessings; I LOVE IT--we all believe in the same God and have faith in the same God-He hears and answers prayers according to our faith in Him, no matter what or how you choose to worship.

This is the beautiful Heidi-I met her for the 1st time
Saturday--the little guy is Ezra, my 2nd grandson

About a year ago, Heidi contacted me through my blog; she asked me if Kayla and Jeremy would be interested in getting Recker into Horse therapy. I talked it over with them, and Kayla already knew quite a bit about it. I knew only one friend with a niece with Autism who had done the horse therapy and said it was great. Heidi said there would be a waiting list, and she wanted permission to put Recker's name on the list. Quite honestly, I had forgotten about it until I got a phone call from Marty, the woman in Queen Creek who runs this beautiful Angel Acres ranch. We spoke for quite a while on the phone, discussing some of Recker's sensory issues and the fact that he is 4 and non-verbal. Marty assured me she had seen it all and that Recker would not particularly like the helmet but that it is required for all children who ride at Angel Acres. Here we are a year later, and at his 1st lesson, you can see by the pictures he was not a happy camper. He screamed, oh how he cried. Jeremy was so patient, with a smile on his face the entire time, so happy and proud of Recker. I am glad Jeremy was there. Recker is just about as strong as Jeremy and did not mount this horse or ride quietly; Jeremy is the ONLY one who could have kept him from jumping off and running.

Recker was so upset about that helmet

We Love Floyd--so friendly and calm with Recker

Recker meeting Floyd--and learning
to brush the hair

Daddy and Recker mounting Floyd 1st time

Angel Acres has a little party every 6 weeks
for the children. Today was
the 2nd (graduation 6th-week party) for him.
They have a camera person taking pictures
every week and give the parents this
book filled with the 6-week progression of
Recker.

Recker rides the horse with no one having to ride with him. He does not cry; he does well with the helmet; in fact, he has come out of his bedroom with a hat on, so the sensory issues are getting better...Wells, I should say they come and go, but he loves riding horses. He even got to gallop a little this week. I am so grateful to Heidi for contacting me.

when it's all said and done
Recker and Daddy walk-off
holding hands--♥

New Gilbert Temple

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 21, 2014

New Gilbert Temple

Saturday, January 18, 2014

We were able to have the whole family, except for
Kayla, Jeremy, Recker, and Ezra.

We had the privilege to tour the new Gilbert Temple on the evening of the 1st day of public viewing before the Temple was closed to the public. The LDS community and those of other faiths have been patiently waiting for almost 4 years for this Temple to be finished and ready for viewing.
I thought every room was beautiful and loved how they themed it around the Agave plant. This is more than a beautiful building, and it is a sacred and Holy place for worthy LDS members to pray and get answers. I have always told my children there is no place more beautiful than the Temple to be married. We have been blessed to have all of our children make the choice to be sealed to their husbands and Blake to Chloe. Those weddings will always be in my heart; I will never forget seeing these cute couples enter the sealing rooms together as friends and leave as friends and now as husband and wife. When Haleigh and Scott were married, we were fortunate to have the entire family there to witness their beautiful eternal promises to each other.

Tears filled my eyes when we visited the baptismal font; oh are so many memories I have as a youth baptizing in proxy; with my ear issues, I was only ever allowed to do one or two names; fortunate for me, I have those names written in my journal, and I hope to meet those people one day when I leave this life--if they chose to accept the Gospel I know I will see them and search for them.

I personally have never visited another building that has brought more spiritual joy to my heart than the Temple of the Lord. Many of my answers to prayers have been in the Temples of the Lord. I'm grateful to have Gospel in my life, and I am living proof that miracles happen when we stay close to the Lord and do our best to live as he did. I have so much to learn, and I look forward to volunteering at this Temple. I wish I could have time to stand still so every one of my friends LDS or not, could come and feel the spirit in this beautiful Temple. Eric and I have had many opportunities to visit Temples around the world, but something special is happening here in Gilbert; this is the most beautiful of all the Temples I have ever had the opportunity to visit.

Results from Cultures

FRIDAY, JANUARY 17, 2014

Results from Cultures

Today is Friday, January 17--

As I said before, during surgery, they were able to take the tumor out intact--no problems, YAY--that is good news. However, yesterday as I met with Dr. Barrs I was more concerned about the lack of hearing in my good ear than the right ear--he did examine the right ear, and Eric and I were able to see it on the screen as he vacuumed it out. He said the healing looks as expected and to cut back on some of the cleaning regimen and antibiotics--doing the antibiotic too often can cause fungus, which is not easy to rid your body of. I was surprised how infected it still looked.

They found several strands of bacteria and were sent to the infectious disease department at Mayo.

PEPTOSTREPTOCOCCUS:  infections can occur in all body sites, including the CNS, head, neck, chest, abdomen, pelvis, skin, bone, joint, and soft tissues. Inadequate therapy against these anaerobic bacteria may lead to clinical failures. Because of their fastidiousness, peptostreptococci are difficult to isolate and are often overlooked. Isolating them requires appropriate methods of specimen collection, transportation, and cultivation. Their slow growth and increasing resistance to antimicrobials complicate treatment in addition to the polymicrobial nature of the infection.

ASACCHAROLYTICUS:

family of bacteria living usually in the alimentary canal or on mucous surfaces of warm-blooded animals; sometimes associated with acute infective processes

VEILLONELLA: it has been isolated in pure culture from various sites and implicated as a pathogen in the sinuses, lungs, liver, central nervous system, heart, and bone. However, bacteria- Mia, in the absence of an underlying source, is extremely rare, to our knowledge.

I will be closely monitored by Mayo, but for now, it looks like everything else is healing as expected. I told him I was more worried about the loss of hearing in the left ear; I even got a little teary-eyed trying to explain how it felt. I can speak one-on-one with someone by reading lips and hearing slightly what is being said, but I do not do well in groups of people. It's hard for me to understand where the sounds are coming from. His RN Kathleen explained that this is normal for people going through these symptoms.

I then turned and asked Dr. Barrs why or where the fluid was coming from in my left ear his response, with a smile on his face, was, " You as a person, we love, and you are great, but you have terrible ears, this is just something that is part of your anatomy, and we will deal with it as we go"  I have to ask people to speak directly at my face and raise their voice. We are also praying this is a temporary loss of hearing; if not, he will poke a hole in my left ear to release the fluid, but he prefers to wait a couple of weeks to see if it clears out before doing this because it is my only ear that I have heard from it is a risk to make a hole in the eardrum.

I asked him about the tubes he had mentioned before, and he said no to the tubes--no explanation. So basically, for now, I will be monitored closely, go to my appointments, and be rechecked and rechecked. If I would like the hole to be put in the eardrum to release the fluid now, I can, he said it is my option, but I decided to go with his suggestion and wait it out.
Regarding the right ear recovery, Dr. Barr's said it would take 3-4 months to fully recover. So, to me, this sounds like good news. The only problem is I would like to go back to work on schedule on February 4, but since my job relies completely on the ability to hear, Dr. Barrs will either extend my medical leave or drain the left ear with a hole being placed in the eardrum.

The BAHA looks good, and I should be able to get the BAHA in March or April.

LABELS: BAHA, DR BARRS, HEARING, JOURNALING 

I'm 51 Today

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2014

I'M 51 TODAY

Today is January 14, 2014 (my Birthday)

I'm 51 years old today! It's been a great year. We started 2013 with a new grandson joining our family; Ezra Ray Roussel was born on February 23. Not only did Ezra join this crazy family, but Scott Bigelow also joined us by marrying our youngest daughter Haleigh.

It's funny when you're twelve, you can't wait to be sixteen, so you can drive and go on dates, then when you're 16, 18 can't come fast enough. When I was eighteen, I thought anyone over thirty was old, and when I turned thirty, I cried like a baby. Now in my fifties, I feel like 80 years old is just around the corner--What the heck happens to our bodies as we age?

Today was a good day with my family.

WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY minus JEREMY, KAYLA
RECKER AND EZRA