Meningitis

Eric took this at just the right moment.

    I'm on vacation as of 10 minutes ago. Eric is so excited about going away for a few days, as am I. We arrived at our condo in Mexico around 4:00pm. The weather was refreshing with a slight breeze from the ocean. The resort was quiet, and most importantly we found a great parking spot, Eric is having his second hip replaced on Tuesday, and we will have a few days to enjoy being together. Lately I've been so busy trying to finish "Pebbles in my Pocket," learning to let go of the things you can't control." and the "Happiness Junkie, #KindnessMatters. We haven't had much time together and we wanted time away.

          He rarely complains, but since his last surgery, he has had terrible acid reflexes that sound like they hurt. He said it hurt his chest. We stayed in the condominium but had so much fun lying on the sofa watching movies and keeping up on the Local Government election. We ate popcorn, snacks, and sandwiches for dinner, and then we went out.

           We had intimate conversations about the trials we have had and how after 40+ years we have served one another, forgiven one another, and learned more about each other, as far as our wants and needs we began writing our goals for 2023. We talked about our children, each one of them. Eric and I did our best to raise four responsible adults. Now it is their time to live the life they want and what makes them happy.

        We are both looking toward retirement and have written our goals for the next five years. He is so excited to start building our home in Mexico and selling a few condos, and then He surprised me with the layout of the house in Mexico and wanted to know my advice. Together we changed a few things, like bedroom sizes, bathroom placement, etc.

        On Monday, I woke up unable to balance, I ran into walls, and my right eye looked infected and bright red. I had a migraine like I've never had and eventually started having some hallucinations, people looked short, fat, and pregnant, even the men. I took a migraine medicine to hopefully help the pain as we drove from Mexico to the Mayo Clinic. On the way home, I spoke with Dr. Lettieri since it looked like it was an eye infection. I asked if we should come to County Hospital or Mayo Clinic. He said Mayo since the Maricopa Hospital does not have an ophthalmologist in the ER. then asked Eric to text him with an update from Mayo Clinic.

        In the Emergency Room, I was taken for a CT scan, lots of drug testing, and ordered an MRI. By now, my hallucinations were constant with my eyes open or closed. I could not take any pain medication because they did not want to alter the results, and medicines can do that. I was given a spinal tap, and I thought about my youngest granddaughter Florence, she has spina bifida, and I wondered how many times in her life she would have to do this. It helped me to stay still so the doctor could do this spinal tap quickly.

        I didn't get to my room until around 3:00 a.m. I texted Dr. Lettieri knowing he would be up and getting ready for work. Dr. Lettieri was in surgery at Mayo when I updated him. He came from surgery to check on me. He knows my story from the beginning to now. He found out who my Neurosurgeon was on duty and gave him the background. He told my neuro team this had nothing to do with my eye. Eric and I love Dr. Lettieri, Eric is always saying how lucky we are to have him on speed dial as we have had to use him several times. The Neurosurgeon respects Dr. Lettieri and was glad he called him so they could eliminate the eye as the main reason for the migraine and hallucinations.

        That night they took me in for the MRI around 10:00 pm. I asked Eric to go home, it's a long ride for him, and I wanted him to get home safely. He didn't want to leave, but I knew his hip was hurting, and he needed rest.

        The MRI was less than a fun time, I had to wear a mask in a tube that was already claustrophobic. It really scared me, so I closed my eyes and suffered through it. When they pulled me out to administer the contrast and dye. I asked if I could take off the mask, and the technician said since I did not move a muscle during the first round, it was okay for me to keep the mask off and it made an enormous difference. The pounding on my migraine made me throw up several times back to my room, and for the next couple of days...still had no pain medicine.

        Dr. Hasan, who is on my neurologist team, came into my room with Kayla and Eric, she finally had a diagnosis, I had viral meningitis. The swelling between my brain and the lining of the brain was infected and swollen, and this was what the hallucinations were coming from. Kaitlyn once again debated with a neurosurgeon through our family text. I did not have my phone, but Eric was reading it to me. Since Florence has spina bifida, she said the spinal fluid would not explain the slurred speech and hallucinations. It really hurt when Eric read that to me, A nurse happened to be in the room and then told my neurology team what she heard. She also heard me ask Eric if he thinks they all think I'm crazy, and he answered, "Yes."

            Dr. Hasan came to my bedside after Eric and Kayla left for the night. She held my hand and said the nurse told her about the conversation. She said, "I don't care if your family thinks you're crazy; you tell them what is happening to you, and the things you see are as real as they can be." Dr. Hassan said it is normal, and they've seen it before with meningitis patients. I thanked her for telling me this was normal. They ran every street drug test they could and knew I was not on drugs or that no alcohol use had happened. When the surgeon came in, he said Dr. Lettieri told him what was happening had nothing to do with any of the surgeries he had done. I also asked him to read the family text thread and tell me how to answer my daughter without causing more problems. His answer was, "I didn't get my degree from Google." I realized he read it the way I did like she doubted me without me saying anything about the contention this daughter has had about me for years. I decided it was not worth addressing, so I let it go. I just want peace and love in our family. But I was glad to know she was checking on me, I really think she doesn't like me.

        I felt like I couldn't get anyone to believe what I was seeing on the walls, ceiling, and floors. I asked Eric "Do you think the doctors think I'm crazy?" and he said, "I'm pretty sure they do, but I've known you longer than anyone. This is not normal behavior for you and yes, I believe you."

        The neurologist explained to me that from the spinal tap, they did the first night, they knew it was meningitis. Then they grew cultures from the fluid of the spine. I was told after the MRI my brain looked 'beautiful', and the infection was not in my eye it was in the brain area. They told me Meningitis is either Bacterial or Viral, one not worse than the other, simply different procedures to treat. If someone comes into the ER with bacterial Meningitis, they send them home with antibiotics. When it is Viral, they must first find out the source of where it is coming from, which showed in between the brain lining and the brain, for it can take 10 days to clear up, but they've seen three months of recovery. They said I could not return to work when I was released. I spent most of my vacation in the hospital.

I took another 13 days for MLOA from American Airlines. I'm nervous about Eric's surgery tomorrow. Since his first hip surgery in August, he's had chest pains and horrible acid reflexes. 

He has cared for me as my caregiver for so long, and now I will have a chance to serve him when he comes home tomorrow.

XOXO Monya Bonbon

Still no news from Eric

 I received a phone call from Haleigh asking me if she could get the hospital bed for Dad and that he was not coming home. He is going to her rental just behind her home. I told her, "No, if your dad wants the bed, then he will call me. I've been advised not to allow any of you in our home, and the locks are changed." She said, "Okay." and hung up the phone.

Eric called me back and asked for the bed; I told him I had contacted a divorce attorney and that I was advised not to let anyone from my family enter my home under the circumstances. I asked Eric why he would tell anyone I was trying to kill him? His answer was exactly what I thought it would be. He said, "I don't remember; I was coming out of anesthesia." I said, "So, for over a month, we have not spoken. You woke up and didn't ask for me? I am your wife, and I thought your best friend. Did the kids say something to you about me to influence you?" He eventually told me that Kaitlyn and Kayla told him I left him at our home to die and that he didn't want any stress. Then he said, "I need that bed, or I can't leave." I told him it was fine for them to get the bed. 

This is my family, always blaming mom or dad for their unruly behavior. All of them but Blake and Haleigh. Haleigh was a dream child. Blake was kind and gave the best hugs, but we went through a challenging time when he was not obeying our house rules. He and Eric butted heads. It was difficult to watch. Eric always wants things his way, but he does not realize that our children, especially Blake at that time, needed love and acceptance from us; he needed our help and to show our unconditional love.

I miss Eric. I wish I could understand all this chaos in my soul. I continue to pray and ask for answers. I don't believe Eric wants to divorce me, but at this time, I'm heartbroken not seeing him or holding his hand, and all he says to me is, "I don't remember." He is not acting like I thought he would during this. Maybe we need to see a therapist, I'll ask Eric if that is an option when I talk to him next.

Presidential Election 2016

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2016

Presidential Election 2016

I don't necessarily love our President!!

In what has been deemed the most controversial Presidential Election in all of history, I must admit I am not proud of how this election has been presented to not only the American people but the entire world, who is laughing at us right now.

If ever there was a time in history we needed love, acceptance, and inclusion it is now.  Neither candidate is on the same page as me on this issue.  I'm afraid our country is headed into the worst future it has ever seen.  Neither candidate is fit to be working as the President of the United States of America.  I remember when I was eighteen voting for the very first time.  I was proud of President Reagan and what he represented.  We all loved and admired him as a nation-whether you were Democrat or Republican, we worked together to make America a Great Nation to live in.

The confusion and deception are inconceivable, and the mainstream media has seized from presenting facts.  They are now a politically driven media, controlled by the candidates and who will offer them the best monetary compensation for reporting what the candidate tells them to report-simply, but they are controlled by political parties instead of reporting the truths. Never in my lifetime have I been wearying of the future of America, nor have I ever felt like I was forced to vote for a candidate just because one is less evil than the other?

Today Frenchie and I went to the polls like we always do but instead of being proud to be an American with the right to vote, it felt as if we were marching to the beat of a different drum. Tomorrow we will wake up and must be faced with a new President of the United States-Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton-who will win?  I don't know the answer to that quite yet, but I do know no matter who wins-American's lose either way.

Love The Ordinary

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2016

Love The Ordinary

     Sometimes it's good to sit back and enjoy an ordinary, normal day.  It is a treasure to be completely aware of who you are and where you are going.  I love to learn from other people, and I'd love to learn from you!

“Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf.  It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary.”  --Unknown Source

As I stumble through my life, I've come to realize how many things I have taken for granted.  Mostly the 'typical' everyday stuff we all seem to skip over.  The ordinary is often overlooked for the beautiful.  There is so much to love and appreciate about the routine day-to-day affairs of our lives.  

a view from the road

Recently I was driving towards Mayo Clinic for an appointment-I take the beeline highway which I have usually viewed as not very scenic, but on this day I noticed everyday beauty.  I had seen these a thousand times on that drive, but on that day they were beautiful.  I wondered why I had never taken the time to notice the cactus or the artistry of the desert.

My personal philosophy leads me to believe our Heavenly Father, who created all things, loves ordinary people as much as he loves what the world deems as 'beautiful' people. My personal beliefs also affirm that there is goodness in all of God's creations, not just the things that are easy on the eyes. I'm convinced that both ordinary people and nature deserve much more of our attention.

I am more spiritually in tune and mature than I was seven years ago--now when I recognize beauty, I'm able to see with a different lens-viewing 'ordinary' things through the eyes of God is a beautiful sight indeed.  Wouldn't it be nice if we all could see the world through the looking glass in this manner? How lovely it would be.

--Monya

Love Your Mistakes

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2016

Love Your Mistakes

You Will Do Foolish Things, But Do Them with Enthusiasm --anonymous 

Right now, I am here, where I am supposed to be! The boy has perspectives in my life and how I see others changed. Living with permanent facial paralysis has given me opportunities to live the life I was meant to live. I don't look back EVER! My eyes are looking forward with great enthusiasm.

One day last week, I lowered my standards and chose to react to a situation. I allowed another person's ignorant choice to get to me. I haven't felt anger like that in a long time; it didn't feel good and goes against everything I have worked so hard to change. Although I realize anger is a natural emotion that most of us have experienced, I felt shame and embarrassment for my reaction. Why? Because it is my choice to let anger engulf my thoughts and feelings, could I have handled this situation so differently? Within the moments after yes--Now? Not necessarily, a learning experience? Absolutely!

I have no control over another person's choices, but I do have over my own. Sincere love comes from inner freedom. One in which you are not controlled by the thoughts and negative feelings of others. Love leads to allowing your mind to be free of the world's view on healthy relationships. I've learned through the journey of loving myself love is kind-it's living free from the neurotic tangled messes in our heads of what the world defines love as. I have had to let go of my vulnerability and not let other people's negative influences penetrate me to the point where I lose control of that freedom.

I learned from this situation I could offer my compassion and goodwill to this person without agreeing with their decision. If I had stopped, taken time to think this person was having a bad day, or that they simply see things differently than I did, I could have avoided that useless anger I felt. This would have made a difference in their life, and I know it would have in my own life. 

My love would have been sincere, and their point of view was still validated, but without the bitterness, I felt. I have learned that what others do with the love I have to offer is on them, not me. All I could have done differently was to make that simple offering. I can love even as I disengage from tacky entanglements, wishing people nicely even if I need to step back. 

Possibilities

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2016

Possibilities

    

"For You, Whose Day It Is, Get Out Your Rainbow Colors and Make It Beautiful" --Nootka Song

Finding joy in possibility is magical. Living in a world as a child where possibilities were stripped of me, I now see endless possibilities for my life as an adult. Never in a million years would I have dreamed of authoring a book about my life--but I did it!!  

So many times, people see the gloom in life because that is what they have been taught. I hope to overcome seeing life through those lenses. I want my grandchildren to see their life with endless possibilities. They need to be taught they can achieve anything they put their mind to; they can dream the impossible and make it possible. I hope they embrace every opportunity, challenge with zest, and live in the moment.

My oldest grandson Recker was diagnosed with autism when he was just an incredibly young toddler; he is now almost seven years old; and still is non-verbal. I wish I could see life through his eyes. We, as a family, know he understands so much of what is happening around him; but communicating is difficult.

Last week, my daughter Kayla, his mother, received this from his teacher. Four out of five.

He understands more than I realized

Cubs Make History

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2016

Cubs Make History

On November 2, 2016, the Chicago Cubs made history.106 years have come since the Cubbies won a World Series.

The Frenchie and I were on the edge of our seats watching the seventh game of the World Series. I told him I wonder how many people had a heart attack tonight--sounds crazy? If you watched this story unfold, you know exactly what I am talking about. Sports announcers and social media made this fact clear several times, proclaiming if you have a heart condition, you should use caution watching the game.

Going into overtime, we watched as fans from both Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians were biting their nails, sitting on the edge of their seats, covering their eyes, and some watching with blinders on as they tuned out all worries of the world to see the ending of the great Bambino Curse. A win for either side would make history, and Cleveland Indians have not had success for over 60 years. Frenchie and I would have been happy for either team, but watching grown men cry and embrace each other was touching and gave hope for people to NEVER GIVE UP.

As with all games, there must be a winner and a loser. With thousands of people watching, half would leave happy and incredibly sad, but all would leave exhausted as they cheered on their team. Knowing Dr. Kreymerman is from Cleveland, I began texting him-needless to say, he went to bed disappointed. I was impressed with the classy response from the Cleveland Indians manager Terry Francona-who has never lost a World Series Game -- he gave a compelling speech congratulating the winning Cubs team.

After the game ended, Chicago Cubs fans across the nation were celebrating. They will be honoring this win for years to come. Frenchie and I attend the spring training games every year here in Arizona-with that being said...Arizonians are all Cubbies fans. They maintained a 'never give up' demeanor throughout the entire season, and it paid off--Congratulations are an understatement-they deserved to feel proud and grateful for this historic win.

The Winning Game Was Played In Cleveland-
But Wrigley Field In Chicago Was Full of Cubs Fans

Captivating Moments

Final Score

History