SATURDAY, MARCH 15, 2014
CJ Udall-Perfect Body, Perfect Mind
Saturday, March 15, 2014
What started out to be a beautiful sunny spring day ended as a tragic yet spiritual experience for me. I was in a meeting when I got a text from Kayla saying, "Have you talked to Jori? Is CJ OK, or what is going on?" "Why?" was my reply. She said, "He's been missing, and they pulled his dog out of a canal" Having no Internet connection, I panicked when I texted Jori and did not hear back (she always texts back). I left the meeting and went home to get more information, then headed straight to Jori and Dwight's home. When I arrived, there were police cars and many other vehicles. My heart was pounding as I walked up to her home. Jori and I have been friends for over 20 years, and her husband Dwight and Eric grew up together.
I was greeted by Jori's brother Scott and Dwight's brother Kent Udall. It was now that I realized CJ had drowned in the canal behind their home. Last night Jori had a camp out at her home with all the scouts in her area. This morning all the kids were in the pin with the goats laughing and having a fun time when Jori realized CJ was missing--Dwight went out towards Power Road looking and yelling for him, and Ben, Jori's other son, went toward the canal, he cried for his dad when he found CJ's dog. Dwight and Jori ran to the canal. Jori hit her knees, "yelling, I just want to start the day over, please just let it start over again" This broke my heart when Kent told me this part.
Jori and I were just at lunch 2 weeks ago talking about how much Recker loves water and the fear I have of not having a fence around our pool. This conversation was drowning my thoughts as I walked in to see Jori--she immediately grabbed me and hugged me; I didn't want to cry, and I tried to be strong for her as she sobbed in my arms. All I could say was, "I'm so sorry, Jori, I'm so sorry." I couldn't help but sob with her.
With the police and investigators still hanging around, Jori pulled everyone into her living room and tried her very hardest to be strong and talk to everyone; she explained about the Priesthood and the blessings that come from receiving a Priesthood blessing, and she eloquently spoke about CJ, about his testimony, his love for nature, scouting and his family--she invited everyone in the room to stay as her brother gave her a Priesthood blessing. Then Dwight received a blessing from his father, Jess Udall. Dwight then gave his sons Ben and Josh a blessing; I couldn't help but think about when my brother Lance died. I wish I had been offered a Priesthood blessing. What difference could that have made in my life as I dealt with his death. As Dwight gave Ben the gift, I glanced up at a picture in their home. It read We Tend To Seek For Happiness --- a solemn peace came over me, and I cried harder knowing CJ is with his grandfather Carvel Jackson who he is named after--what a grand reunion they must be having--through the sounds of sniffling and tears I could feel this sweet spirit testify to me that HE LIVES -- and now CJ is in a perfect place, with an ideal body. Dwight talked to us about the day CJ was born. The nurse brought the baby to him and placed him in his arms; even before Jori knew Dwight could see CJ had down syndrome, but as clear as day, he heard a voice tell him, "CJ is here for a purpose, protect and watch out for him until the day HE returns to his father in Heaven" he said those words helped him to process what was going to be a life of watching a young boy growing up with challenges
Jori and Dwight raised CJ as if he were just like any typical child. CJ didn't know he had down syndrome. Just a couple of weeks ago, Jori told me they were at the Cultural Celebration watching Ben practice when a girl with down syndrome came up to CJ and said Hi, but CJ snubbed her--Jori said she had to have a talk with him about "being nice to the down syndrome kids" CJ didn't like the idea of being nice to a girl, not to mention one with down syndrome. I got a kick out of that story and told Jori she had done an excellent job raising him to be tolerant of everyone. He k w nothing but compassion and love for everyone he encountered.
My heart aches for them. Tonight, they will not sleep. Right now, it's busy, people bringing food, helping fill the void, but when they all leave, the smoke settles. I worry about Jori. CJ was her life. She could not have a conversation without bringing up CJ--she was so proud of him, she loved her time with him, Jori has become incredibly involved in the scouting world, helping CJ and Ben to achieve their merit badges, and Ben his eagle.
I have never lost a child. I can't imagine how I would feel. I know my parents were devastated when Lance died. It was as though he took a piece of their heart with him. I'm sure Jori will have huge holes in her heart while she processes this trial she is forced to face. I heard it said that if all the people we know were brought into a room together to compare trials, most of us would take what we have and be grateful. Today, as I sat and watched this family mourn the loss of CJ, I felt as if my problems or pains were easy. The loss of a child is one trial I know the Lord knows I could not handle. I have so much respect and love for those who must experience the death of a child and are able to move forward in faith, knowing they will again see that child after death. I'm glad I could be a part of the Udall family today; I learned so much from watching and listening with my heart. When I try to sleep tonight, I will pray for Jori and Dwight, Josh and Ben, and give them strength and endurance while they try to make sense of a horrible day. I also rejoice that CJ now has a perfect body and mind as he continues his next chapter and journey.
11 COMMENTS:
Beautiful Monya, you have a gift. Thank you!
Saddened by this tragic day and grateful they have incredible friends to help long after the day is done. Peace and strength to you and all of us to face this day.
I cried so hard reading your sweet and thoughtful words. Jori is so lucky to have a friend like you. My sweet Thomas is 11 and has DS; he and CJ were often at the same events and even played t-ball together. CJ wa such a sweet boy. This broke my heart, he was just too young, and it was too soon.
Joy--I agree it seems CJ was taken too soon. Tryin make sense of it leads me to believe that we genuinely do not know what will happen. Next, we are not in charge. Living life to the most entire everyday, loving purely, and seeking happiness in all we do is so vital to me. Sometimes I have spent so much time worrying about dying that I've forgotten to live. I'm sure for your sweet Thomas this is going to be a different experience for him--my heart goes out to all the children who loved him so much, and who don't understand what to do with their emotions.
Beautiful writing. I loved all of the thoughts of the priesthood blessing. Also, you can really tell how strong Jori has been through all of this. My heart absolutely breaks for her. She, and you, are just such sweethearts. One thing that caught my attention though was how people keep mentioning a "purpose" that CJ had. As far as I can see, he died early and didn't even have a chance to serve a purpose. His h handicap led him to his tragic death :( - an ordinary boy wouldn't have died this way. It is so devastating. God bless you Jori. Heavenly Father loves you and knows you.
John, thank you for your thoughts. I believe CJ had a purpose and he was able to fulfill that purpose. He was brought to this earthly life to get a body. He comforted and blessed so many people with his contagious personality--WE are left with an empty hole in our hearts, especially Jori and Dwight, at this time. Still, their faith in Jesus Christ is the motivation to move forward with a HOPE and knowledge they will see CJ again, CJ with a perfect body, and perfect mind we need to live with a perfect intent to become more like our Savior, so we can live again with our Family for Eternity.
Did CJ's little dog survive?
Yes, Saphire survived, she is sad and wanders around looking for CJ. She had some blood on her paws from trying to get out of the canal--very sad to watch
Did CJ get a chance to be baptized?
Yes, CJ was baptized--Jori says he couldn't wait--he loved it--and shared his testimony the first Sunday of every month at Church.
He was such a great boy. I cannot get this out of my mind. I don't understand why Heavenly Father would have decided not to prompt Jori or Dwight, through the power of the Holy Ghost to check on CJ.
CJ also had the Gift of the Holy Ghost bestowed upon him, but he didn't receive any promptings either.
The bishop?
The siblings?
The other priesthood leaders?
Nobody?
I have been here for 60 years and have never been as shaken as I am today. My heart breaks to see this just play out as if it really was "God's Will" for CJ to die. I am sickened to my core and genuinely hope to overcome this one.