Finding Serenity Now

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 7, 2015

Finding Serenity Now

I know people who were born happy. Then some struggle most of their lives trying to figure out what happiness is, only to discover it was within them the entire time. I live somewhere between being happy and striving to be completely 100% satisfied.

This past year it's been a struggle for me to find the balance. When I am lacking in an area where I truly desire to accomplish a better version of myself, I study and make goals to help me achieve that attribute. No one likes to be around a downer person all the time. I judge myself harder than anyone else could, so I become exclusive. The study of true happiness has been an absolutely intriguing subject.

I began by becoming an ambassador for happiness at LiveHappy.com. It is free but keeps me in check with acts of kindness, giving me ideas for serving others. I have struggled with insomnia since my cancer diagnosis. Researchers have found that happy people sleep better, live longer, and have a more extensive and active social network of friends. They make better bosses, better decisions, and even more money. I feel like I just described my sweet husband. His head hits the pillow, and he is gone to dreamland--he never talks negatively and always looks at the bright side of things. We introduced me to folks he sold a home to 20-30 years ago; he remembers them, their children, their parents, etc. Without hesitation, they always say, "We love your husband; he's the best realtor we have ever dealt with"  I'm pretty sure there are a few passengers at USAirways who would not have that to say about me.

There is a book called The Upside of Your Dark Side; it was interesting to read as I studied what should be a superficial attribute that can be so complex. Maybe we are trying too hard to be happy. The P.H.D. who helped co-write the book suggests that emotions of anger, guilt, anxiety, and sadness can be beneficial. The good news for me, I struggle with all of those. Reading it intrigued me even more, to find out how he came to that conclusion. He said instead of trying to be happy every waking moment of our day, It's all about balance. It's about finding pleasure in what we enjoy and learning from the obstacles we must overcome. Anyone who knows me knows my philosophy is always about what we learn from heartache. Still, honestly I never really thought my struggles with anxiety, guilt, or sadness were part of the balance needed to master the attribute of true happiness. Putting on a happy face 100% of the time is not REAL; ultimately, my goal is to be entirely true to myself.

If we could all wrap ourselves in bubble wrap to avoid the problematic but REAL life situations, we suffocate ourselves from growing into our authentic selves; besides, it's unrealistic. Once I realized this, it was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. For me, it's about working on what I can control. It is scientifically honest and freeing to let go of the burden and pressure to always be happy. In today's world, more than ever before, people compare themselves to others for approval. Our world has changed, and social networking constantly reminds us of the amount of "Likes" a person gets. My daughter just recently told me there is a way to buy "Likes" I just about lost my lunch. Really? How sad is that? Social media is fun, can help build businesses, and keep us caught up on friends and family. I have many times  prayed for people who not known they needed it had I not seen it on social media. It has given us a  great tool an excellent ativating happiness on a different level. For example, a friend of , mine Kara Kelly was celebrating her 40th birthday, rather than a physical gift she asked people to do something nice for someone else that day and then hashtag it. Knowing her this was a genuine request, and I enjoyed doing it. Normally we have been taught to do acts of kindness as an anonymous gift so as to not pat ourselves on the back. There are times when anonymous gifts are necessary, those are not what I am referring to.

Since studying happiness one of the goals I gave myself was to give at least one act of kindness a day. The genuine joy I have received from doing this has now become second nature to me. Everyone can do it, but intentionality has to be considered when starting out. These can or cannot be monetary. A smile cost nothing, when I lost my smile I had to get a bit more creative (L.O.L.) helping someone put groceries in their car, picking up something from the store for a home-bound person, telling someone you like their outfit, or their hair looks good, are all acts of kindness.

All of our emotions serve a purpose, this is why Heavenly Father has blessed us with the ability to feel sad, lonely, angry, etc. The fluctuation of those emotions is what helps us to balance out and appreciate the happy moments. How do you measure your happiness if you have never felt any other emotion? The idea of happiness is similar to the wanting to be richer or healthier-- I think the reason why our happiness levels fluctuate from one day to the next or for some hour to hour is that we are all subject to things we cannot control, the traffic, weather how much sleep we are getting. I know for me when the negative sets in it's because I have set my pedestal for happiness way too high and I feel like I have failed. Just like Love in our life, we have to let it happen. You can't MAKE yourself feel something, and those feelings may change from day to day.

Doing things you enjoy is the best way to replace negative with happiness. When we allow ourselves to feel the full range of emotions our Heavenly Father has blessed us with, we are happier people. Being grateful and thanking our Heavenly Father for those emotions is the key to finding true happiness. I'm working on this right now in my life, I have a long way to go but I'm glad I listened to the spirit tell me there were things about myself I needed to do so that I could quit wasting time and find serenity now.