Christmas 2011

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2011

Christmas 2011

Is there anything better than children at Christmas? I have so enjoyed Recker this year. He has the cutest personality and a smile that will warm any heart. Recker has picked at our Christmas tree and decorations until they look scarce in some spots, and I love it. He brings a special spirit into our home.

Sometimes I wish I could just jump inside his little brain and see what he is thinking. Autism, though sad in many ways, can also be remarkably interesting. I've noticed that Recker is trying so hard to communicate with us; he knows a couple of words in sign. Kayla and Jeremy have taken him off gluten and dairy, which affects his moods and behavior. In my kitchen, I have a candy jar with gluten-free suckers. We often walk into the kitchen to find him staring up at the pot, signing the word "PLEASE" how cute he is. He loves to watch Disney movies, and sometimes Recker will start laughing so hard we can't help but repeatedly rewind to capture those moments. If there was only one wish I could have for this new year, it would be to hear my darling grandson talk, just say, mom or dad. Those are easy, right? I love to watch him as he plays alone. He babbles in a language only he understands. Recently I was playing with him in my bedroom and needed to go downstairs for something as soon as I walked out of the room, he ran after me and grabbed my hand a then brought me back into the bedroom, my eyes filled with tears, he is trying so hard to communicate.

Recker loves cardboard boxes and loves to play in them and on them. I bought him a cardboard castle, Haleigh Brownlee and I painted and decorated it (mostly Haleigh, she is the talented artist) Recker loved it; we also bought him a little motorcycle. He had a BIG smile on his face as it raced across the wood floors in my home. This has been a wonderful Christmas season with our family.

Dr. David Servan Schreiber Dies

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011

Dr. David Servan Schreiber Dies

Today I was searching on the Internet for some cancer information, trying to find another book written by Dr. David Servan Schreiber. He wrote ANTI-CANCER, a book I read shortly after getting out of radiation therapy research found that he had passed away in July 2011. Just a few months ago, my heart hurt when I read this. His book has helped me to give up sugars, flours, and preservatives for the past year and a half. I learned from him to live with NO REGRETS; this has been Eric and my theme for the past couple of years. He lived much longer than he should have because he changed his way of eating, exercising, and environmental thinking.
 This is the article I read about him:
Obituary: Dr. David Servan-Schreiber Empowered Cancer Patients

Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, awarded an honorary doctorate in humane letters at Carnegie Mellon’s commencement this past May, died of brain cancer on Sunday, July 24. He was 50.

Servan-Schreiber’s career spanned two continents as a professor and physician in Pittsburgh and Paris. After completing two medical degrees, Servan-Schreiber earned a Ph.D. in cognitive neuroscience at CMU under the guidance of Jay McClelland and Nobel Laureate Herbert Simon.

Servan-Schreiber’s distinguished career touched many Pittsburgh institutions, including senior leadership posts at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, where he co-founded the Center for Integrative Medicine, and academic appointments at the University of Pittsburgh and CMU. He published more than 90 scientific monographs and lectured at leading international educational centers.


One of the seven co-founders of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Doctors Without Borders U.S., Servan-Schreiber, served in Iraq, Guatemala, India, Tajikistan, and Kosovo, addressing epidemics among refugees. He served as a member of the organization’s board for nine years.


In 1992, at age 31, Servan-Schreiber discovered a tumor in his own brain while conducting brain-imaging research. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and given six months to live. Confronting his illness and marshaling his own will to live, he embarked upon a 16-year journey fighting and seeking to understand his condition, culminating in his 2008 international bestseller,” “Anticancer: A New Way of Life”” The book and his international lectures have empowered cancer patients and survivors with knowledge and tools to combat the disease.


Servan-Schreiber is the eldest son of the world-renowned Jean-Jacques Servan-Schreiber, the late politician, publisher, and co-founder of the French newspaper’Express. Jean-Jacques Servan-Schreiber was a distinguished lecturer at CMU during the years that his four sons, David, Franklin E’866, HSS’899), Emile S’855, HSS’899’ 911). Edouard S’888) were students at the university  Je n-Jacques Servan-Schreiber who worked closely with Raj Reddy, CMU’ss Mozah Bint Nasser University Professor, as founder and president of the World Center for Informatics and Human Resources.


The funeral will be held in Paris on Thursday, July 28.

After he was told in 2010 that another brain tumor had been found — he called it” “the Big On”” — Dr. Servan-Schreiber wrote the third book,” “We Can Tell Each Other Goodbye Several Times”” with Ursula Gauthier, a journalist  Ma y viewed it as a final testament.” “Death is part of the life process; everyone goes through it”” he said in one of his last interviews ““It is very reassuring in itself””

Happiness is a Choice

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2011

Happiness is a CHOICE

Have you ever heard someone say, "he/she just doesn't make me happy anymore"? I have recently. It's made me think about what makes people happy. I'm so happy when Recker smiles big with his teeth showing. I love that; I'm so glad when my house is clean or when my husband gets home from a grueling day at work but still finds time to come into the kitchen and hug me (I love hugs). I was overwhelmingly happy to see Blake after two years when he got home from the Dominican Republic. There are so many people and things that make me happy-for, sure, too many to name, but is it an accumulation of all those things that truly bring happiness? I have to say I have been disappointed by others and allowed other people's choices to affect my life negatively--what a shame and a waste of precious time.

True lasting happiness comes from within us. No one else can give that to you; like others, I had to learn the hard way. When I discovered breast cancer, it was like a huge maillot hit me. I finally had clarity. It was time to clean house, so to speak-- I needed to do some maintenance work on myself and find out what really matters, then get rid of the rest--  For me, my happiness now comes from a deeper place in my heart, I'm OK with the choices of other people, and although they can make me sad it does not affect my eternal happiness because I know who I am, I know where I came from. I know where I want to be. Seriously? It's taken me 48 years to figure this stuff out. I have never, ever said I was a good student. HaHa.

Oopsie Daisy

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2011

Oopsie Daisey.

I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks--oopsie, daisy. Honestly, my life has been incredibly busy. I am working four days a week now. Lots of flights are being canceled this time of year because of weather back East--when I talk to those stranded people, I feel bad for them--but grateful that I was born and raised in Arizona--I endure the summer heat for a few months so I can love, love, love the winters here. I also have been spending a bunch of time at the Mayo Clinic in physical therapy a couple times a week with Pauline. Tomorrow I will go to the Mayo Hospital directly after work to see Dr. Freeman. He will bring his syringe full of pain meds to be injected into my right hip and lower back. Can you say ouch? Hopefully, this will help with the pain and allow me to walk without a limp.
(the above was written yesterday)
 I drove to Mayo Clinic Hospital today, not really knowing what to expect. As I walked through the doors, chemo and hospital smell reeked. I sat in the waiting area across a man with an oxygen tank, he looked miserable, and things were about to get worse as he ran out of oxygen--his wife was yelling hysterically, and the nurses were scattering to get him a new tank. Poor Mr. Brown, I know his name because they repeatedly repeated it to get his attention. I thought he was going to die. Behind me, a woman was on the phone relaying a message to her family that someone had just passed away and they needed to get to the hospital. To the left of me is a lady having an anxiety attack; by now, my mind is thinking, "concentrate, Monya, don't pay attention to what is going on around you" I wanted to cover my ears with my hands and sing a song to drown out all that was going on around me. The phone rang. It was Eric checking in on me, boy, was I happy to hear his voice. Finally, they sent me up to the fifth-floor pain clinic. On the elevator, we made a couple of stops, the woman who had a death in the family was on the elevator with me. She was crying.

I wanted to hug her but felt like I needed to respect her boundaries. We stopped on the 2nd floor, and the Mayo Pastor got on the elevator. I noticed she was carrying a Bible and book labeled How to prepare for death. Whoa, today I'm getting a reality check. Mayo has a way of doing that to me. She only went up one floor, and I noticed she was on the patient's bed, visiting a family--I was sad about that. We continued to the fifth floor, the lady with the tears went left, and I went right--just like those people were gone, they have no idea what an impression they left on me, and I will never see them again.
I approached the pain clinic check-in, and they handed me a stack of papers. What else could they need from me? They know everything there
is to know. They've taken my boobs, hair, uterus, and hundreds of hours of my time. I will be waiting for an hour today. Instead of anxiety meds, I will read my scriptures while I wait. It worked. After an hour and a half of scripture study, they called me back for the procedure. I really like Dr. Freeman. The procedure was not as bad as I had anticipated, but let's face it, no one wants to be poked and prodded with needles. I decided as I sat in the recovery room that for today, just today, I am tired of PROCEDURES, NEEDLES, INJECTIONS, & MAYO. Even as I type that out, I feel guilty for feeling that way. I have so much to be grateful for. I am blessed to have Dr. Freeman on my team of doctors, especially when so many people are struggling today at Mayo.

Thanksgiving 2011

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

I love this little guy with all my heart. Happy Thanksgiving Recker

Today I'm thankful for so many things, mostly family. I have been blessed with an incredible family I love so much. I woke up this morning with a Turkey smell throughout the house. We have a tradition of putting the turkey in the oven the night before because we eat around noon on Thanksgiving. I made chocolate, coconut, banana, pumpkin pies, mashed potatoes, gravy, and two Jello salads. Raylani's family came over. They are so good at pitching in and bringing food. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday; I love the fall weather and the feeling I get when I'm with family. This year Blake was here with us; I honestly never thought this day would come; I have missed him so much. Two days ago, I had to meet him in the Walmart parking lot to trade cars with him. When I pulled into the parking lot and saw him sitting in the car waiting for me, I smiled and told him how grateful I was that he was home with us. It is seriously a luxury to have all my children in town and be able to hug and love them every day. I hope I never take that for granted. Family is the most important part of my life.

What is normal?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011

What is Normal?

I was having a conversation with my son Blake-- I asked him how he was doing and if he felt like he was adjusting to being back home. He replied, "Mom, I feel like I'm returning to normal again." I asked him, "What is normal, son?" Then we had a lengthy conversation about being normal.  

My thoughts are still on that conversation. I told Blake that our normal should continually be changing. One and a half years ago, my regular life was different than it is now. I was worried about my children making good choices. I was getting up early and going to work, making dinner every night, cleaning the house, and training for a marathon. Then Blake surprised us by deciding on a mission, Kaitlyn got engaged, Kayla was pregnant with our first grandchild, and I found out I had breast cancer--WOW, did my routine change in a heartbeat!! Everything I thought was "NORMAL" was put on the back burner--now my normal is how can I do this? Every thought that occupied my thoughts was -- worrying about Blake, worrying about the wedding, worrying about Kayla and Jeremy having a baby in the middle of all this, and Haleigh having her senior year of HighSchool with her mom going through cancer. And Eric, my sweet husband, having to see me through hell, how could I ever allow him to see my mangled body again? How could I let him see me bald and sick? And more important than all, I worried he would worry too much about me... I needed everything to just go back to "normal" Soon, my usual became trips to Mayo Clinic. Missing my son terribly and worried that he would be strong enough to make it 2 years without his family. I constantly worried about Haleigh and Eric. Throwing up, losing weight, taking drugs, and seeing oncologists were now my standard. Soon my usual became kneeling and praying morning, day, and night, begging and pleading with the Lord to help me understand this new normal I was experiencing. Educating myself about breast cancer was something I never thought I would be doing,  especially not for myself, and now it was another normal for me.

The point of all this is that our "normal's" change constantly in our Iives. was not prepared for my "normal" to change, but it taught me to understand that I am not in charge. I learned to appreciate change, figure out who I am and what I consider to be the most important, and live life to the fullest everyday living as if it were my last because things change constantly, and without change, we don't progress and grow.
One of the most important lessons I have learned during this journey called LIFE is the Lord is in control. He knows the beginning, middle, and end. He loves me, and that when I listen for answers, they always come, maybe not today or tomorrow, but they always come.

It can always be worse

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2011

It can always be worse

A half marathon in Mesa Arizona

I spent a few days at the Mayo Clinic this week--tests and more tests trying to figure out what is going on with my hip and back--
I met a new doctor. He said, "Hello, nice to meet you," in his cute German accent. After our introductions, it was all business. He never smiled or looked at me in the face as he stared at paperwork and had me doing all these different walks across the room. On my toes, on my heels, walk there, walk here, and never once smiled or looked at me-me, as in my face or eyes--so I'm just going to say he will never be a Dr. Kreymerman.
He then ordered more tests and sent me to the physical therapist-- the entire time looking at his paperwork, computer, or elsewhere-- so it was "Goodbye, Dr. What's his face."
The funny thing about Dr. What's his face? The next day, while I was waiting to see the physical therapist, he walked by, looked at me, and smiled. I don't think he even knows I'm his patient. I'm in this waiting room because he ordered PT for me. However, I Love my physical therapist. I am going to be Her twice a week. I will also be getting cortisone shots in my hip and back to help with the pain-- they (Dr. what's his face) diagnosed my hip with bursitis, and my back is arthritis caused by the amounts of chemo received. Pauline wants me to keep a log of what exercise I am doing every week--she was a little concerned when I told her how much I was running; the cycling she said was a bit obsessive too; I was advised that a woman "my age" should not be doing an access amount of exercise because it is damaging more than healing. Too old, A woman my age?" Seriously? What about the the100-year-old man who finished a marathon two weeks ago? Doctors have told me a few times that I should not be running the number of miles I run weekly. Part of me wants so badly to run a marathon--it's difficult for me to embrace the words "you can't do it." 

I refuse to crawl up in a rocking chair and die. For an athlete like myself, it is tough to cut back on the things I love to do. I've always strived to do better and go further in each run. I constantly see how much faster I need to go to beat yesterday's time. I track my scores to better my stride and endurance. I've learned from this experience that listening to my doctor's advice with my heart monitor watch is probably the best way to go about accomplishing in the end what I need or want for myself, every time I think I know better, I end up right back at the beginning, with nothing accomplished--sometimes I feel Like this is what happens when I refuse to listen to answers to prayers too I get in the way of my own progression--I wonder why it is that sometimes we think we know more about ourselves then the Lord does--with that being said I am really, really sad not to be able to run the marathon next weekend--when the doctors talk to me this is what I hear "you are one of the most healthy patients I have ever had"  then the bomb hits, "but you are also the most unhealthy patient I have ever had because every side effect you could possibly get from chemo and radiation has happened to you."

-but when I put it all in perspective, it could always be worse--