Be Happy Now

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2013

Be Happy Now

Thursday, December 26 h--well, actually, it is now the 27th at 4:09 am

I cannot sleep. Today Eric and I went to the Mayo Clinic with hopes of getting a 2nd opinion from the "Chief of Surgery" it turns out he was Doogie Houser--Returned missionary very nice guy, but did not give me any answers, and just so you know he is the Chief of Surgery over Residents, he laughed and said it just means all the old Doctors are off for the Holidays. He was the most senior resident there. To be perfectly honest, I left there with no more answers than when I went--I was told it was healing the way it is supposed to heal--but if you saw the picture, you know it is infected. The resident told me to stop taking the antibiotics and wait to see Dr. Barr's on January 2 when he returns, which happens to be when my next appointment is. He stuffed it with cotton, and off he went--

I don't think I have ever been happy to go to Mayo Clinic, well, maybe on my last day of chemo, but today I was looking forward to it. I need answers--I am in horrible pain, and it drains constantly. I will be staying out of public areas, which I have been doing anyway, sometimes, it gets depressing, and when I go anywhere, I feel like I need to wear a mask. Imagine those stares--mask, half a head of hair, and pain. 

I was not very nice to Eric today. On the way there, I was in pain, I didn't want him to go with me because I hate people waiting around for me, and I wasn't on any drugs, so I could have driven. With all that being said, it explains a lot of things, one being moodiness and tears. He even told me I was being mean to him--I'm sorry, Eric--chalk it up to a bad day. I'll try harder.

When I pulled out the packing after I got home from Mayo, the oozie junk ran like a faucet into the sink--do I think it's infected? Yes. I am taking stronger pain medicine, but not able to sleep. Then when I finally get to sleep, I can't wake up--what to do? I'm a mess--Eric has been off work and wants to get me out of the house, but I'm afraid to go anywhere. Tomorrow I'm going to sit in the backyard and read; maybe that will cheer me up. Ok, so what did I learn today? 

1. Doctors, especially the attending doctors, need a vacation too, so don't make appointments around Christmas, and insist on seeing the Attending if you are forced to or need to.  

2. be nice even when you feel like it's a crappy day, especially to the ones taking care of you. 

3. more is not better--be happy with what you have, don't wait, be happy now no matter the circumstances.