Next Up Surgery Dec 10th

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 01, 2013

Next Up Surgery December 10

I have spent several days at Mayo Clinic over the past few months. It is time to remove cancer in my ear canal. I was sitting at work with my supervisor one day a couple of weeks ago, and she interrupted me to tell me that blood was dripping from my ear onto my shirt. Quickly grabbed a tissue and covered my ear. That blood is combined with blackness, I have to cover it constantly with tissue, or it will drip out--when the tissue is not in my ear, it feels as though the wind is blowing from one ear out to the other. To make light of this, but maybe there really is nothing in between my ears--haha, Dr. Barrs will take my ear off, lay it to the side of my head where he can see more clearly what is happening down the ear canal--my ear has had so many surgeries on it as a child. The ear canal is smaller than an infant's ear canal. It makes it hard for him to see how bad or good it is in there.

  As a young child, I was standing outside of our home throwing a football back and forth to the neighbor kids across the street; someone had rolled over the ball with their car, and the tube inside the football was bursting through the seams, but it didn't keep us from throwing the ball we loved those simple pleasures. I caught the ball, and it blew up in my hands. I immediately grabbed my ear, as it began to bleed, my mother rushed me to the hospital, once again for another surgery. The eardrum broke again. The surgeon was not able to repair my eardrum. From that day forward I was not allowed to immerse my ear in water--no swimming, no baptism. 

I remember being in that hospital more times than I ever wanted to be--same room--same nurses--same surgeries, to get progressively worse after each surgery. Dr. Borland was my ENT, I loved him because he loved my grandmother who was an RN at the hospital where he worked, and he always told me incredible stories about her--she passed away having melanoma and he was always impressed with her ability to live if she did--she was a fighter. I never swam, I was baptized at the age of ten with my ear covered in gauze packing, taped down, and covered with plastic--

At age 29, I began to have symptoms of my equal Librium being off, and I was falling to the ground. Actually, Eric and I would laugh about it. Being young and newly married, we had no idea what was going on--I went to see Dr. Borland he took one look in my ear and sent me to another ENT specialist, I'm assuming much like Dr. Barr's at Mayo Clinic, he specializes in the inner ear only, his official title is Department of Otolaryngology, Ontology, and Neurology department. He explained after he takes the ear off and can see the tumor, he cannot give me a clear indication as to the severity of it.  However, he was 70% sure it is intact and will be able to be taken out. Then he will graft skin from my back or another part of my body to cover the hole in my ear drum. He will make a small hole in the eardrum to allow relief of pressure. Then he will attach the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid --the proper name is the Cochlear Baja device for people with SSD. (single-sided deafness) Basically I will never be able to have hearing restored in my right ear, but this device, will take the sound from the bone and nerves in my right ear to the bone and nerves in my left ear to help me hear better with the excellent ear --getting older it is getting even harder to hear, and this will give me a better quality of life. 

The day before my mother died, I was told because of the Obama Care, what was approved last year is now not covered anymore--It was a letdown, but I have lived without hearing in that ear for so long, I can do it and continue to read lips until it is approved.

This recovery will be long and hard. 'I'm not sure what he means by that; chemo and radiation were no walk in the park, and I've had plenty of ear surgeries. Today,I tried to get a clear picture of what my ear looks like, but's hard to see in there, but I forgot to put the tissue in today when Kayla came over, and she was pretty sickened by what it looks like, so I'd better keep it covered and cleared from getting infected. You may be wondering why we are waiting until December 10 to have the surgery done. Well, that was my decision; I need to see one of my oncologists on December 03, which was the earliest Dr. Barrs could get me in, so I opted for my preop appointment on December 03 after my Dr. Magtibay appointment, then surgery on the 10th. Yesterday, Eric and I went to the Audiology department at the Mayo Clinic on Shea to have another hearing test done for the insurance company. I'm fairly sure the audiologist was grossed out when she saw the cotton ball soaked in black cancerous goop and blood, she asked, "Has Dr. Barr's seen you recently. Because that does not look good" After explaining to her I saw him a couple of weeks ago. Now he is on vacation, I do not want any other doctor doing this surgery, she proceeded with the hearing test, only on the left side this time since they now are convinced, I have 0% hearing in the right ear--left ear hearing is still there same as last year--just a tad bit worse--nothing to be alarmed about. Hopefully the insurance will listen to my plea for an exception to be made, so I do not have to go through yet another ear surgery.

Carcinoma in the ear canal (I wish mine looked this good)

This is a smaller version of the hole in my eardrum--mine is now completely blown out.

On December 10, I will once again go into a surgery room at Mayo Clinic, praying to the Lord to help me fight this thing. Someone asked me today, "Are you tired of this?" I said, "Tired of what? This is just life and happens to be mine." But honestly, it is getting harder for me to remain optimistic. It's 3:00 am, and I need to go to bed. 

On Sunday, during the sacrament, I was in tremendous pain but wanted to go and take the Sacrament and then listen to the testimonies born, hoping I could feel the spirit and be lifted again to a higher level. Also, I forgot to take my aspirin the past few days, and the slurring started this morning. I hesitated walking up to the pulpit, but the spirit led me by some things Norma Hastings said, and I knew the people in our ward would understand.  I have no idea what I said and hope what was said was understood because the words came from my heart. I can't explain how hard it is to get sentences to come out the way you want them to, but they don't.  Honestly, I felt the spirit today Heaven's angels were helping me. After Sacrament, a friend told me a story about her experience during my mother's funeral. I don't feel comfortable sharing her experience, but that experience was reconfirmed to her at the Temple last week. It was exactly what I needed to hear--so my sweet friend if you are reading this, I love you, and I thank you for sharing such an intimate experience you had with the spirit. I love you.

The carcinoma is my ear is now a little out of control I cannot go for over an hour without the black soaking through the cotton balls--It's time for the surgery. Tuesday, I will see my oncologist. Thursday, I will have my preop; and the following Tuesday, I will have surgery.