I dropped my BIG girl panties today

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2014

I dropped my big girl panties today

I was at work, and I could feel my ear draining, trickling out and down my neck--I quickly wiped it off with a tissue, hoping no one would see it. I don't want to put a cotton ball in it because it needs air; it needs circulation; I do remember Dr. Barrs saying, "there is no circulation in your ear," which seems weird to me because most of us move our heads quite a bit during a 24-hour day. I am still trying to process all this. I am barely functioning, yet I seem to be getting things done.

For a few minutes today, I dropped my big girl panties drop. As much as I tried, I just could not wrap my head around saying "yes" to another surgery--I promised myself I was not going to do this again--I'm once again asking, "what do I need to learn?" "What is it that I am not getting?" I have come further than I ever thought I could; when Heavenly Father tells me, "You can do it," I just believe I can...and I do it.

Today, I had to walk into Us Airways once again and fill out medical leave forms--legal forms--I despise them; it's such a process, and this sounds trivial but writing out once again on a form letter--my diagnosis--my estimated days away from work brought me to tears. I love my job at UsAirways; I love my supervisor Diana; she has been patient, kind, and compassionate with me throughout my journey. When I regained my trust that I was healed and ready to move forward, I got slammed into surgery again. I have had my doubt replaced with truth, and my fears have been replaced with trust; I know the Lord takes just what he thinks I can handle, and this time, I trust he will make me wholly healed.

THE ABOVE WAS WRITTEN LAST WEEK

On Monday, I headed to Mayo Clinic again, only this time I was planning to drive myself there since Eric has a meeting on Mondays I didn't want him to miss; he takes pride in his work and loves Jeff Blandford. I waited to tell him I was having surgery until Sunday night, the night before the surgery. I told him I had it all worked out and that he could go to his meeting and come to the hospital whenever he was ready. My friend Marian Priday drove me, when we
arrived at Mayo Clinic, checked in, and waited. Finally, they called my name, I went back and got dressed, IV in, and ready with a little extra for my nerves. Marian came back and talked to me while we waited 5 hours. That is precisely why I don't like to bring people with me; I hate for them to have to wait. However, I was so grateful to have Marian there with me; she is not only a great friend, visiting teacher, and example of compassion and integrity, but she's also is pretty dang funny. She waited until they finally rolled me back to surgery, blew me a kiss, and off I went.

Thank You, Marian, for being with me

My new tattoo? No, just the magic marker from Dr. Barrs

Headed off to the OR

When I woke up in recovery, Eric was there; he said Dr. Barr's told him that because the surgery before mine took too much time, he could not do all that he had expected to do. He grafted some skin from my arm again and placed it inside my ear to help with the bleeding. He told Eric I would have another surgery, but I was not sure when. I love Dr. Barr and am grateful he has been so patient with me and my ear issues; he has not given up yet, and we will get it all taken care of eventually.